Contest Loser (a.k.a. the honorable mention)

The caption contest at Kermit the Blog for the above photo ended today. The winning caption is as follows:

"Mr. President can you please point to the place on the doll where the Vice President shot you?"

Given the recent gun troubles of our V.P., the caption is pretty fucking funny and worthy of the top prize (i.e., a $15 iTunes gift certificate). While I am saddened that I did not win, I am happy to report I did receive a nod from Dave. Here's what he had to say along with my entry in case you didn't get a chance to read it...

"A special mention must be made to Christie's epic entry. She bags the one-liner for an Onion-style parody news piece that I appreciated very much. I've reposted it below for all to enjoy. Well done, Christie."

----------

President Bush Introduces Flat Osama to Iraqi Schoolchildren

In an effort to promote democratic ideals to the most receptive members of Iraqi society, President Bush unveiled his new program, The Official Flat Osama Project, in a press conference given at the Oval Office earlier this morning. “It’s part of my new strategery,” said the President holding Flat Osama, dressed in traditional Western civilization garb, by his side. “Because the children of that nation, well, uh, they will like him. Flat Osama. Hehe. Who doesn’t like that, right Condi?”

Flat Osama, differing from his famed brother Flat Stanley, from The Official Flat Stanley Project, was squashed flat by a school building wall that collapsed after bombs where deployed when a report mistakenly targeted Flat Osama’s elementary school as a terrorist hideout.

Iraqi students, who will be able to return to school once their war-torn region gets a reliable power source, the schools are rebuilt, and yahoos running through the streets firing at anything that moves are captured, will make Flat Osamas and start journalizing. Then Flat Osamas and journals will be sent to schoolchildren across America where students treat each Flat Osama as a guest, introducing him to all of the delights Western culture can offer a young, flat man. Upon completing the journal, Flat Osama and the journal will be returned to the original sender care of the United States Army. Students can plot Flat Osama’s travels on maps and share the contents of the journal. Vice President Dick Cheney shared his own experiences with Flat Stanley, “My grandson sent me a Flat Stanley last hunting season. Unfortunately, I accidentally shot the little bugger.” He quickly added he felt introducing Flat Osama was a way to win over the hearts and minds of the Iraqi people.

“I see this as a way to focus attention elsewhere, away from recent scandals that have besieged the White House and driven down the President’s approval ratings,” said long-time political strategist and Bush family friend Karl Rove, currently the subject of an investigation into who revealed the identity of a CIA employee whose husband was critical of the Bush Administration’s justification for going to war in Iraq.

In a trial run of The Official Flat Osama Project, Flat Osama, sent to ten year old Jason Smith of Las Vegas, Nevada, by Amaar Ali Salman, was photographed visiting local casinos, trading porn cards collected by card snappers on the Vegas sidewalks, watching barely clad females at various hotel pools in the area, and smoking cigarette butts found on the street, seemed to enjoy living it up in the city that claims to keep everything secret.