Joe gets diagnosed with Stage 5 cancer with only weeks to live. He tells his friends he wants to become a lawyer. Since this is his dying wish, his friends expedite the learning and make sure he sits through his Bar Exam. When Joe's letter arrives saying that he has passed the bar exam he breathes a sigh of relief. As he closes his eyes he says "one fewer lawyer on earth".
Two women are on a transcontinental balloon voyage. Their craft is engulfed in fog, their compass gone awry. Afraid of landing in the ocean, they drift for days. Suddenly, the clouds part to show a sunlit meadow below. As they descend, they see a man walking his dog.
One of the flyers yells to the figure far below, "Where are we?"
The man yells back, "About a half mile from town."
Once again, the balloonists are engulfed in the mist. One flyer says to the other, "He must have been a lawyer."
The other says, "A lawyer! How do you know that?"
The first says, "That?s easy. The information he gave us was accurate, concise, and entirely irrelevant."
Thanks! Yeah, I'm going to be a blood-sucking corporate whore. Well, maybe not.
I haven't decided what I'm going to study and thankfully that is a decision that can wait until at least my second year. There will be many, many drinks AFTER I pass the bar so be prepared. We'll definitely be throwing one helluva party that weekend. :)
Firstly, please accept my (our -- BBU, me, Tomokee) congratulations.
Next, first lawyer joke:
A large, obviously irritated man sits down at a bar and orders a beer. Taking a sip, he eyes the other inhabitants and loudly announces, "All lawyers are assholes!" Another patron stiffens and says, "I deeply resent that, sir!" "Why, are you a lawyer?" the large man inquires. "No," says the patron, "I'm an asshole!"
A woman visits her doctor. She inquires whether anal sex is risky. The doctor inquires whether she only has one partner, whether she experiences any pain or some bleeding. "No," she says, "just my husband and no pain or bleeding, in fact we find it quite pleasurable; we just want to be safe." "Well," says the doctor, "it sounds like there's no risk, other than that of pregnancy." "Pregnancy!" say the woman, somewhat taken aback. "Of course," says the doctor, "lady, where do you think lawyers come from?"
Just can't stop at only 2, so here's the third (and, cross my heart, final) lawyer joke:
The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity."
The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.
<Bush's quote> hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah! Seriously. That is awesome!
Must admit, Betty sez GWB is a weak spot of yours, but you'll be joining an equally beloved fraternity. Seriously, it can be a great ride. I wish you the very best and will be investing in Visine futures (that's a lot of reading ahead of you, even if you never set foot in Powell's for the next 4 years).
16 comments:
Congratulations Christie !! :)
Joe gets diagnosed with Stage 5 cancer with only weeks to live. He tells his friends he wants to become a lawyer. Since this is his dying wish, his friends expedite the learning and make sure he sits through his Bar Exam. When Joe's letter arrives saying that he has passed the bar exam he breathes a sigh of relief. As he closes his eyes he says "one fewer lawyer on earth".
What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!
Two women are on a transcontinental balloon voyage. Their craft is engulfed in fog, their compass gone awry. Afraid of landing in the ocean, they drift for days. Suddenly, the clouds part to show a sunlit meadow below. As they descend, they see a man walking his dog.
One of the flyers yells to the figure far below, "Where are we?"
The man yells back, "About a half mile from town."
Once again, the balloonists are engulfed in the mist. One flyer says to the other, "He must have been a lawyer."
The other says, "A lawyer! How do you know that?"
The first says, "That?s easy. The information he gave us was accurate, concise, and entirely irrelevant."
:) Congrats!
With a lawyer brother-in-law we're already warmed up to dish the S*** so expect it!
Congratulations! Hey, I didn't know you were gonna go into law.... What kind of law are you interested in studying?
Thanks! Yeah, I'm going to be a blood-sucking corporate whore. Well, maybe not.
I haven't decided what I'm going to study and thankfully that is a decision that can wait until at least my second year. There will be many, many drinks AFTER I pass the bar so be prepared. We'll definitely be throwing one helluva party that weekend. :)
Firstly, please accept my (our -- BBU, me, Tomokee) congratulations.
Next, first lawyer joke:
A large, obviously irritated man sits down at a bar and orders a beer. Taking a sip, he eyes the other inhabitants and loudly announces, "All lawyers are assholes!" Another patron stiffens and says, "I deeply resent that, sir!" "Why, are you a lawyer?" the large man inquires. "No," says the patron, "I'm an asshole!"
Lawyer joke #2:
A woman visits her doctor. She inquires whether anal sex is risky. The doctor inquires whether she only has one partner, whether she experiences any pain or some bleeding. "No," she says, "just my husband and no pain or bleeding, in fact we find it quite pleasurable; we just want to be safe." "Well," says the doctor, "it sounds like there's no risk, other than that of pregnancy." "Pregnancy!" say the woman, somewhat taken aback. "Of course," says the doctor, "lady, where do you think lawyers come from?"
These jokes are great! I'll be sure to share them with the rest of my class when school starts. Keep 'em coming! :)
Just can't stop at only 2, so here's the third (and, cross my heart, final) lawyer joke:
The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity."
The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.
OK -- so I assert that this is not, strictly speaking a "joke" (although I think Christie might use that descriptor for the source of this quote):
"I have to admit we really blew the way we let those attorneys go. You know you've botched it when people sympathize with lawyers."
-- George Bush
<Bush's quote> hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah! Seriously. That is awesome!
Must admit, Betty sez GWB is a weak spot of yours, but you'll be joining an equally beloved fraternity. Seriously, it can be a great ride. I wish you the very best and will be investing in Visine futures (that's a lot of reading ahead of you, even if you never set foot in Powell's for the next 4 years).
Best,
Bruce
Thanks for the investment tip, Bruce. :) Am I to understand that you are an attorney?
And yeah, listening to or viewing GWB makes me want to commit random acts of verbal meanness toward all right-wing, born again neocons.
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