We very much think Henry is on the road to good health, but he isn't there yet. A blood draw on Friday showed his neutrophil count had only gone up a tiny bit, from 116 when he was discharged from the hospital to 194. He's still 306 away from the critical mark and well below the normal range. Doctors hope this number will continue to increase during the next month. We hope so too. This low number means Henry cannot return to daycare. There is a significant part of me that feels compelled to forgo law school for now so that I may be here to take care of Henry. I mean, I got in once, right? I can conceivably get in again. And maybe then it'll be at a time when there isn't so much stress at home. If you thought criminal law was confusing before, wait till you try to learn it when your baby is being transferred to the oncology ward. Even though we are home now, it is nearly impossible to shut out thoughts of Henry and concentrate on the reading, of which there is a large quantity. While I got through the majority of it this week, I'm not sure how much of it I retained. The other part of me, though, is thinking that when Henry is better in a month and returns to daycare I will have essentially given up law school to provide one month of care to Henry. What would you do?
On a side note...Holy schnikes, it is nearly 10:30pm and I have yet to get a picture of Henry today. I must go snag one before the day is over.
Update: Thanks for all of the responses. I'm no closer to a decision but it's still nice to hear your thoughts. Yes, we have absolutely considered a nanny. I am having zero luck locating one, though. If anyone has any suggestions, please advise. (To date I've searched and responded to several ads on craigslist, I've posted a job on sittercity.com, and we've posted a notice in our building.) It would certainly be easier to snag someone if we knew for sure if this was going to be just one month or for the whole school year.) I don't think it's really feasible to have Darren work from home as Henry requires too much attention and he wouldn't have enough time to get his work done. (He's a computer programmer.)
12 comments:
I have an eight month old baby boy so I can only imagine how difficult things are for you right now. I'm a stranger, but for what it's worth, I say forgo law school for the time being and stay home with Henry. I always try remind myself that they will only be little for a *very* short time and everything else will always be there. Everything else being sleep, happy hour, free time...you get the picture!
Happy to read that the little guy is on the mend. Good luck with your decision.
Well, potential counselor, let us, as they say, analyze the fact pattern:
- you're looking at one month away from a dispositive juncture.
- the really evil, exceptionally distracting threat appears to have been disposed of by way of the bone marrow sampling and analysis.
- you have a trusted partner-in-crime (PIC) who can cover for you who has given every sign (from your previous postings) of very much caring for you and the sprog.
- now a tripartite test:
+ can said PIC work from the home front for the 1 month duration?
+ can said PIC invoke FMLA without undue hardship?
+ can YOU, knowing said PIC us doing Huck duty, focus, thinking happy thoughts of the sprog'n'PIC due doing just fine?
If either of the first two prongs and the third be true (Arrr -- gotta have some pirate speak in your fact patterns, missy!), your strength should be applied to your benefit whilst the month passes. You'd be paying a huge price if you really did bag the dream if everything came out all right -- the resentment certainly would be there, bidden or no, for a long time if you don't try REALLY HARD to get through this first 1L month. That might actually be worse for you and the sprog over the long haul.
I say, if the test, supra, can be met, stay and reevaluate at the end of a month. Plus, you get the greedy, warm, guilty feeling that you're not a single mother trying to juggle this all by her lonesome.
Have you consiered getting a Nanny for the next few months to see how progress is going and if he doesn't get much better then you can still get out of school. It buys you a little time.
It's a very hard decision for sure since you have had the dream of school for a while (although why Law I still don't understand :))
It's easy to tell you what my decision would be but our life is totally different.
Good luck...
Maybe you can you talk to your school admissions and see if they will defer your start for one semester?
On the one hand, life events happen, and so part of me encourages you to just hunch your head down and power through life's obstacles. Things that make it difficult to balance school and home, or work and home, will continually happen (hopefully most things are not as difficult as this episode, of course). So part of me says, you can't pull up the wagons and stop pushing along because it's difficult now, because there will always be difficult times in that balance.
On the other hand, this does seem like an unusual event, and one worth altering plans for. I also would hate to be embarking on the first semester in law school and be entirely distracted the whole time. It seems best to give yourself a proper chance to do well as opposed to just "getting through" with the minimum needed. If you are over stretched at both home and school, then you could be doing two things half-as-well as you could be, which sounds like a frustrating and stressful scenario.
I guess I personally would put off law school for a semester or more. That is me, not you, but you did ask what other people would do. That is what would be right for me. Hopefully these thoughts are helpful and not simply more confusing.
OK - looks like people are thinking the same way I am.
First - I would talk to an advisor (do you have one?) at your school. See if you can postpone a semester or lighten your load. Talk to your professors. Let someone there know what's going on. Hopefully they can help?
Second - Although it took a lot of concentration while reading b.e. busby's comment - I agree. Can Darren work from home the hours that you'll need to be at school? And can he use the FMLA for a month or so?
Third - noodle suggested a nanny. In my mind, the best set up would be Darren staying home while you are away (maybe working different hours - I have no idea WHAT he does!) and you hiring a nanny to be there while you study/read each day. That way if Mr. Henry needs to nurse - you're there - and the nanny can clean up the kitchen, etc. Not sure how your condo is set up, but if you could lock yourself up and study and although a nanny to help with Henry that would work, I think.
If there were me - I'd try to continue with school, BUT I have a lot of support in the way of both grandma's living within babysitting distance and both would be more than willing to share the care. But, if it seems that Darren isn't able to change hours/stay home or you're not able to find a nanny you trust - if a semester off is doable, then do it.
Good luck with your decision - sometimes it's so hard, isn't it?
This is where my co-worker gets nannies from when she needs to. She got one to take care of her newborn for the first 6 weeks before he could start daycare.
Boy, I don't know what I would do. But it doesn't matter because it's what you have to do. Cathy has a great idea for a schedule allowing Darren to continue to work, at least partly, you to continue to be educated, Henry to continue to be lovingly attended to...
Ms. A - thanks for the link to the nanny place. That looks great! We want to be ultra positive and hopeful that things are going to be fine. So, in that respect, it makes sense to continue as if this will all be cleared up in a month and I'll go on to a fabulously successful first year and Henry will be a normal, healthy baby boy on his way to toddlerhood. But, if things don't go as planned and in a month Henry isn't as healthy as we'd like him to be there is a financial burden because if I then have to leave school, I won't be able to get a refund (or at least there will be some cost to having attended a month's worth of school). Does anyone know a good fortune teller who can see into the future? 'Cuz really, that is what I need right now.
I don't envy you your choices.
I do submit that unless the financial burden you cite is so ruinous as to prevent your family unit from ever recovering, you're really itching over mouse nuts.
I also have some advice about how to decide that whose outcome cannot be known in advance -- bear with me on this one...
I used to be a manager of a goodly sized bunch of people. There would be times when two competing champions of two approaches to a product design would seek audience to determine which one approach we should take. Which design would be a success depended on market conditions in the future that were beyond our collective ability to know or accurately predict.
These champions would come before me, expecting some sort of wisdom to be dispensed. Being of mickle management skillz, I would ask if the champions had attempted to meld their two ways or work out the most likely winning approach. Often, being agressive greasy pole climbers, neither side would budge from their proposals. Then I became to decider.
I would reach in my pocket and extract a coin therefrom. I would then announce that since the future cannot be known in the problem before us, the coin would guide us as well as I could and, if failure ensued, the coin would be at fault. (Somewhat Solomon-like, but no babies need be sliced or diced). Sometimes the supplicants would rhubarb briefly and enter a settlement amongst themselves. Otherwise, the coin prevailed.
Since your decision is dependent upon that which cannot be known and you face a painful decision, I suggest the coin. You'll never blame yourself or anyone else. If the coin's wrong, drop it in a wishing well as punishment and be quit of it and the burden of blame it will carry.
Aesop will now return to his regularly scheduled broadcast, already in progress.
Seriously -- gather your data, treat it like a fact-pattern exercise and, if the outcome cannot be logically determined, choose in a blame-free way.
Wow. b.e. busby - you confuse me sometimes! But I love this "Seriously -- gather your data, treat it like a fact-pattern exercise and, if the outcome cannot be logically determined, choose in a blame-free way." Makes sense to me.
Also - if you flip a coin and the coin says one thing and all of a sudden your heart races or drops you'll know what your decision needs to be. Does that even make sense? Let the coin decide, but if in that moment you want to "try again" go with the other - that is how your gut decides.
AND - talk to the school about the money thing - maybe they can work something out in case you need to stop in a month (which hopefully you won't)! Either way I'd get someone involved from the school, not sure how easy that is...
Ah -- that IS the power of the coin -- if it moves you off TDC (as we auto-obsessed guys would say), it's done it's job and will have assumed the blame-mantle.
I like to think I was the anti-Christ to the pointy-haired-Dilbertian boss. Put that in your Alaskan conservative and smoke (or at least dry for later use) it.
You don't know me, but Ms A. does (I work with her). She gave you the nanny agency info, I use. If you have any question about the agency or their nannies, feel free to contact me. Ms A has my e-mail. I just shared one of their nannies with two other families last week. So far I had mostly good experiences with this agency.
I am so sorry about your situation. Good luck.
PS. Thank you for "One L".
You don't know me, but Ms A. does (I work with her). She gave you the nanny agency info, I use. If you have any question about the agency or their nannies, feel free to contact me. Ms A has my e-mail. I just shared one of their nannies with two other families last week. So far I had mostly good experiences with this agency.
I am so sorry about your situation. Good luck.
PS. Thank you for "One L".
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