Book forty: It's a Boy: Women Writers on Raising Sons edited by Andrea Buchanan

This book is a collection of essays from women writers about raising sons. With essays that examine what it is like to learn one is carrying a boy to the first time a mother notices her son is taller than she is, the essays are real and gritty and heartwarming and achingly beautiful. Having dealt with my own disappointment upon learning the gender of my unborn child, I was moved by the honesty each writer expressed. Andrea Buchanan wrote this about the ultrasound in which she learned of her son's gender:

"It took me a few weeks to wrap my brain around the idea that I was carrying a boy baby inside me, that in a few months he could come out into the world and I would be a mother of a son. I had to practice smiling as I said, "It's a boy," when people would ask me whether I was having a boy or a girl. I had to find a way to hide my unbidden tears of disappointment..." 

That was my experience but instead of lasting a few weeks those feelings, the intense depression, sadness, and worry that I would not love my child and would be a horrifically awful mother, lasted throughout the rest of my pregnancy. Few people talk about gender disappointment. I visited parenting boards seeking comfort and to hear how people overcame these feelings, but instead I was judged by the people who were not able to conceive at all. How dare I be upset about something as silly as gender when someone else would give anything just to be pregnant. As if it makes any sense to tell a woman with pregnancy hormones running amok that she needs to not feel the way she is feeling. As if I had any control over that. I am thankful my doctor's response to my overwhelmingly negative reaction was grounded in reality. She shared her own experience with gender disappointment, encouraged me to talk about it with someone I could trust, and assured me every time she saw me that I would be so flooded with oxytocin I wouldn't be able to stop loving my baby. She was right. Bean can be a bit of a trial but, man, do I love that kid, and I have since the moment he was born.

Jody Mace wrote:

"I had never pictured myself as the mother of boys. It sounds terrible, I know, to be disappointed about the gender of your unborn child, and "disappointed" probably isn't the right word. You're disappointed when you're getting something that your familiar with and you don't want it. That wasn't the case. I was getting something unknown. It was as if the ultrasound technician had said, "Congratulations, Mrs. Mace, you're having a space alien." 

And later on...

"Sometimes his solutions to problems, even at age four, were just so male. One day he was building block towers and they kept falling down. I helped him a couple times but was tired of it. So I told him, "You're a highly capable person. You'll figure it out," and I left the room. When I came back in, he had rebuilt the tower and secured the blocks together with duct tape. Apparently the "duct tape" part of the Y chromosome kicks in early."

This is a great read for any mother of boys. Heck, maybe even you mothers of girls should read it too. It'll give you a little insight into those mothers of boys you know.

40 down plus 12 to go.