It must be movie madness March because I have beeen watching a ton of movies lately. The most recent was The Hills Have Eyes (a.k.a. Mutant Gore Fest Extravaganza). I've been asked before why I like scary movies and it is difficult to explain. What I can say is that there are useful tidbits of information that can be gleaned from watching such flicks.The Hills Have Eyes Lessons Learned
1. When stopping at a ramshackle gas station to fill up while traveling through the desert, don't listen to the sketchy attendant with missing teeth who offers up an off-the-map "shortcut" to get to the highway.
2. All people, including Democrats, should learn to use guns. You should also know how lodge a pickaxe in a crazy mutant human's head and how to beat crazy mutants with a bat.
3. If your dog is barking crazily at the hills, there's crazy mutant people in them thar hills.
4. When mutant human peoples have lit your dad on fire, gather everyone together before attempting a rescue. Do not, I repeat, do not leave your sister and baby niece in the trailer alone.
5. Train your dogs to kill crazy mutant peoples who attack you. Be sure to keep your trained dogs with you at all times when you are in the vicinity of mutant human peoples.
6. When running from mutant humans, don't shoot blindly over your shoulder if you have a limited supply of bullets.
7. Never splinter from the group. There is strength in numbers. Going separate directions will inevitably lead to you individually being picked off by crazy mutant human peoples.
8. Don't feel bad for the gimpy mutant people. If left unscathed, they will use their walkie-talkies to order a healthy mutant human to kill you. Gimpy mutant people won't be able to, 'cuz they're gimpy.
9. After killing the last of the crazy mutant human peoples, don't leave your gun by the body. Crazy mutant peoples have mutant strength and might not be dead.
2. All people, including Democrats, should learn to use guns. You should also know how lodge a pickaxe in a crazy mutant human's head and how to beat crazy mutants with a bat.
3. If your dog is barking crazily at the hills, there's crazy mutant people in them thar hills.
4. When mutant human peoples have lit your dad on fire, gather everyone together before attempting a rescue. Do not, I repeat, do not leave your sister and baby niece in the trailer alone.
5. Train your dogs to kill crazy mutant peoples who attack you. Be sure to keep your trained dogs with you at all times when you are in the vicinity of mutant human peoples.
6. When running from mutant humans, don't shoot blindly over your shoulder if you have a limited supply of bullets.
7. Never splinter from the group. There is strength in numbers. Going separate directions will inevitably lead to you individually being picked off by crazy mutant human peoples.
8. Don't feel bad for the gimpy mutant people. If left unscathed, they will use their walkie-talkies to order a healthy mutant human to kill you. Gimpy mutant people won't be able to, 'cuz they're gimpy.
9. After killing the last of the crazy mutant human peoples, don't leave your gun by the body. Crazy mutant peoples have mutant strength and might not be dead.
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