Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Master parker

To my lil' guy,

This morning, on the way to yet another doctor's appointment to see how you are doing, your mother performed the most masterful parallel parking job ever. It truly was a sight to behold, and because I hope to pass along my driving skills to you, I have to share how it was done. Despite what your father may say, I am the better driver in the family. Except, maybe, in snow and ice. When your dad pays attention, he can be very good. The operative word being "when".

Anyway, the most perfect parallel parking job began with sizing up the parking space. We currently drive a Mini Cooper (named Sophie - you'll have your first motoring experience in her when we bring you home from the hospital). Sophie is a small car ("small" is a synonym for "mini", and a "synonym" is a word or phrase that means exactly or nearly the same thing as another word in the same language) that we can park in numerous spaces that aren't available to drivers of larger vehicles, which is pretty much everyone else on the road. So...

Once you determine there is enough space, you have to position the car at the correct angle to back into the space. Throwing a quick glance over you shoulder to ensure you know where you are, where the curb is, and where any other surrounding objects are is a good idea. And it is the preferred method to using the mirrors, which can distort the scene and cause you to miscalculate the distance and space.

Now that you've positioned the car and you're moving backward, you want to steer the wheel to avoid hitting all things present - curb, polls, other vehicles, and the like. This is where the real skill comes in. You would have been proud of my clever wheel maneuvering today. A little to the right, a smidge to the left, back to the right, ease up on the gas, apply the brakes, shift into first gear, drive forward a touch and hot damn! Parking perfection. I've broken out the steps you can follow to achieve the same parallel parking success below.

Step 1: Locate a parking space along the curb.
Step 2: Assess the size of the parking space to determine if there is room for the car.
Step 3: Angle the car for backing up into the available space.
Step 4: Glance over your shoulder to orient yourself and your vehicle.
Step 5: Use the wheel, turning left and/or right as needed, to maneuver the car into the space.
Step 6: Be mindful of any vehicles parked behind or in front of you once in the spot and adjust the car forward or backward if needed.

On a side note, you are doing great. You must be happy because your heart rate was a lazy but strong 130 beats per minute. Probably you felt a tremendous amount of satisfaction from the release of endorphins I experienced after completing that fantastic parking job. I say you should ride that wave of goodness right into a nap and stop kicking me in the ribs - ouch. The size of the belly bump has decreased an inch because you are dropping into the escape hatch, a clear indication you will be here sooner than later. As you now appear to be using my bladder as a speed bag I must excuse myself.


1 comment:

VDog said...

OMG, you are hilarious! Lovin' your blog. Popped over from Cathy's place.