Nog gith baby!

My Kinko's adventure began last weekend when I stopped by the store to print out the family newsletter I include with the Christmas cards. It's a tradition I started when Darr and I got married. Our first newsletter (see pic) was mailed out to family and friends when we left on our honeymoon so that people heard the news from us since hardly anyone was invited to witness our nuptials. (Seriously, only ten guests were present.) Anyway, I showed up there with disk in hand and proceeded to place my order. I always need help with this and I think I know why now. There is something weird about Apple's pdf creator. Or perhaps not weird but rather something that isn't compatible with the PC world that is Kinko's.

Print Attempt #1 - Get a weird shadow behind one picture and the word "the" in the banner. Guy behind the counter unsuccessfully tries to tweak the pdf. When this fails, he opens the PostScript file and recreates the pdf. He suggests I create the pdf off the ps file next time instead of directly from the application. Successful print but I now realize the standard laser printer paper is too shiny. I hate shine. Unless it's jewelry. Select new paper. Lightweight and semi-matte, like what the eggshell finish does for paint.

Print Attempt #2 - Everything goes smoothly. I see the completed newsletter briefly as he slips the lid on the box before I pay. My mistake. Get home and try to fold the newsletter to slip in the envelopes. Paper's too thick. Surely this isn't the stuff I selected. Fold a few newsletters anyway, stuff them into the envelopes and seal before determining I hate the thickness of the paper (think cardstock) almost as much as I hate shine. Will have to go back. Figure since they'll be reprinted, I'll make a few adjustments. Save the pdf from the ps file as instructed earlier. Wrap up baby, get in car, drive to Kinko's.

Print Attempt #3 - Different guy behind the counter assists me. It is determined that the paper used is further down from the sample that I selected. Different guy tries to locate the order to see if I wrote down the paper selection wrong. I explain there isn't an order form because I didn't fill one out. Continues to look another five minutes or so before concluding there was not, indeed, an order form filled out. Starts questioning me about the paper selection. "No, I did not want cardstock. I picked out this." <point finger at the sample in the paper sample book on the counter> "That's not what you got." "Right." "You asked for the cardstock?" "No. I asked for this. He gave me that." "The cardstock. But that wasn't what you asked for." "Exactly." Hand over the new disk and wait to check the proof. It looks good on the paper I selected but the shadows have returned. I request he try making the pdf from the ps file, which thankfully I included on the disk.

Print Attempt #4 - Recreated pdf looks great but new problem occurs. There is some issue with the fonts I used and the font reader on the printer as, for example, what used to say "Now with baby!" now says "Nog gith baby!" Wtf?! The entire document looks as if it has been written in elvish.

Print Attempt #5 - Kinko's employee suggests trying a new computer as the one he is using has been acting out lately. Move to second computer. Print out copy. Elven writing is gone. Finally. My copies are made. I hand the too thick versions back to him for shredding. I take my new copies and my kid and leave the store.

All this to say the cards are in the mail.