Book forty-one: Lamb:The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore

I guffawed many a time whilst reading this book. It's amazing! I honestly can't remember the last time I had so much fun reading fiction. The author attempts to recreate the story of Jesus's childhood through Biff, Christ's childhood pal. Biff is there for all the trials and tribulations as Jesus (a.k.a., Josh) figures out how to be the Messiah.

Excerpt #1, in which Biff and Josh are discussing sarcasm:

"It's sarcasm, Josh."

"Sarcasm?"

"It's from the Greek, sarkasmos. To bite the lips. It means that you aren't really saying what you mean, but people will get your point. I invented it, Bartholomew named it."

"Well, if the village idiot named it, I'm sure it's a good thing."

"There you go, you got it."

"Got what?"

"Sarcasm."

"No, I meant it."

"Sure you did."

"Is that sarcasm?"

"Irony, I think."

"What's the difference?"

"I haven't the slightest idea."

"So, you're being ironic now, right?"

"No, I really don't know."

"Maybe you should ask the idiot."

"Now you've got it."

"What?"

"Sarcasm."

"Biff, are you sure you weren't sent here by the devil to vex me?"

Excerpt #2, scene after Josh walks on water:

"Master, you're walking on the water," said Peter.

"I just ate," Joshua said. "You can't go into the water for an hour after you eat. You could get a cramp. What, none of you guys have mothers?"

"It's a miracle," shouted Peter.

"It's no big deal," Joshua said, dismissing the miracle with the wave of his hand. "It's easy. Really, Peter, you should try it."

Peter stood up in the boat tentatively.

"Really, try it."

Peter started to take off his tunic.

"Keep that on," said Joshua. "And your sandals too."

"But Lord, this is a new tunic."

"Then keep it dry, Peter. Come to me. Step upon the water."

Peter put one foot over the side and into the water.

"Trust your faith, Peter," I[Biff] yelled. "If you doubt you won't be able to do it."

Then Peter stepped with both feet onto the surface of the water, and for a split second he stood there. And we were all amazed. "Hey, I'm--" Then he sank like a stone. He came up sputtering. We were all doubled over giggling, and even Joshua had sunk up to his ankles, he was laughing so hard.

"I can't believe you fell for that," said Joshua. He ran across the water and helped us pull Peter into the boat. "Peter, you're as dumb as a box of rocks. But what amazing faith you have."

I very much enjoy the idea that Christ was a humorous and fun guy. That being said, there are some rather poignant moments, like when Christ is explaining to his followers that everyone can enter the kingdom.

Excerpt #3:

"The kingdom is open to everyone," Joshua said. "Ev-ree-one, get it?" ... "I was not sent to deliver wrath. We will be delivered into the kingdom by forgiveness, not conquest. People, we have been over this, what have I not made clear?" ...

And I think they were getting it, at least the two Zealots were getting it, because they looked profoundly disappointed. They'd waited their whole life for the Messiah to come along and establish the kingdom by crushing the Romans, now he was telling them in his own divine words that it wasn't going to happen. But then Joshua started with the parables.

"The kingdom is like a wheat field with tares, you can't pull out the tares without destroying the grain."

Blank stares. Doubly blank stares from the fishermen, who didn't know squat from farming metaphors.

Excerpt #4, when Biff is explaining to Maggie (a.k.a., Mary Magdalene) what happened during their travels that gave Joshua the idea to sacrifice himself:

"When we were in India, we saw a festival in the city of their goddess Kali. She's a goddess of destruction, Maggie. It was the bloodiest thing I've ever seen, thousands of animals slaughtered, hundreds of men beheaded. The whole world seemed slick with blood. Joshua and I saved some children from being flayed alive, but when it was over, Joshua kept saying, no more sacrifices. No more."

Maggie looked at me as if she expected more. "So? It was horrible, what did you expect him to say?"

"He wasn't talking to me, Maggie. He was talking to God. And I don't think he was making a request."

"Are you saying that he thinks his father wants to kill him for trying to change things, so he can't avoid it because it's the will of God?"

"No, I'm saying that he's going to allow himself to be killed to show his father that things need to be changed. He's not going to try to avoid it at all."

If you aren't the type of person who'd be offended at the fictional accounting of Jesus's early years and you enjoy humor, this is definitely a book for you. 26 down, plus 15.