Wednesday, August 29, 2007

The Invasion

On Monday Jen and I caught The Invasion, the latest film version of Don Siegel's "Invasion of the Body Snatchers." The movie was entertaining but not terribly scary. Although as with every scary movie there were important things to note so I'm back with another exciting round of...

The Invasion Lessons Learned

1. When you start to realize that the people on the street are being invaded at the cellular level and you find a locked door that has folks behind it screaming to be let out. Don't open the door. Once aliens invade they can lie like regular folks.

2. Do not choose a long, tight skirt with heels as your outfit of choice to run away from the invaded people. It is hard to break into a solid run with your legs strapped down by the fabric and heels just weren't made for running. Also, don't go hobbling down an empty tunnel. No good can come from going into empty tunnels.

3. The second your trusted canine friend raises his hackles at another human, trust the dog and get away from the invaded person. Along with a highly developed sense of smell, dogs can detect cell mutations that occur when people have been invaded by alien forces.

4. Make sure your kid can read so in the event you are separated from your child when the aliens start invading the humans, he'll know what to do (or not do). Be sure to leave the cryptic message scrawled on the wall in plain view of everyone. No wait, don't do that. Keep it secret and keep it safe. You don't want the aliens to know your defensive strategy.

5. Invaded humans don't sweat. If you haven't yet been invaded and you want to blend in, splash some cold water on your face and be sure to look them in the eyes. If you show emotion, they will know you aren't invaded and they will spit on you so they can infect you. And invaded human spit is nasty.

6. If you come upon a human in transition - the cellular changes take place during REM sleep - do not take his picture. It will cause him to be angry and attack. You don't want a gunky invaded human attacking you. They are gunky and gross.

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