The Strangers

A few nights ago, after helping put Henry down for the night, I escaped the condo and caught The Strangers. If you haven't seen this movie and don't want to read anything about it that could possibly clue you in to what happens, stop reading now. If not, read on for...

The Strangers Lessons Learned

1. If your beloved asks you to marry him at the wedding of a friend and you say "no," don't then go with him to an isolated house to hang out for the night to talk. It is likely there are three strangers in masks who are in the area just looking for folks to terrorize and you'll be so upset about the dissolution of your relationship, you won't be thinking clear enough to escape them.

2. Masked strangers are exceptionally quiet and lurk in shadows. If you think there are masked strangers about, lock all the doors, turn on all the lights, stop playing the old vinyl records, and find whatever weapons you can. Also, never, ever set your cellphone down.

3. If a strange girl shows up at four in the morning and asks about her friend, Tamara, get the heck outta there. That's code for: "Hello. Me and my two masked friends are about to get killing-freaky up in here."

4. When killer masked strangers are afoot, put on your damn shoes. And it'll be best if they have ankle support. Lord knows with masked strangers nearby, it's likely you'll be instructed to run and if your feet aren't wearing proper gear, you're going to twist an ankle or step on broken glass. This will make escaping the clutches of the strangers with masks nearly impossible.

5. You best believe your girlfriend when she tells you she's seen people. Dismiss her and you'll likely be the first one the masked strangers start stabbing, which doesn't end well for you.

6. A mask sewn together with strips of cloth is infinitely more scary than painted masks that have a Betty Boop-esque quality. But I say try to avoid all of the above if you hope to survive the night.

7. When there are two of you and three crazy masked strangers intending to kill you, do not. I repeat, DO NOT, separate. Your chances of survival decrease significantly when you are alone.

8. Know how to shoot a gun if you go to an isolated house in the middle of the night when three masked strangers are in the neighborhood. Just be sure to know who you are shooting before pulling the trigger. Otherwise, you might be less one friend by morning. And that's no way to repay a friend for driving his ass out there to pick up your behind.