Are you there, God? It's me, again, Christie.
Okay, so, yeah, I'm not good with the correspondence, Jesus. You've taken me and Darr for a wild ride this year with Henry's mysterious ailment and starting and postponing law school. Not to mention the smell o' death emanating from the dog. And the rest of the world, seriously, the whole world, your holiness, is on the brink of an economic collapse of Great Depression proportions so it's not as if you're just signaling me and mine out for hardship. Thankfully Darr and I did just learn to make our own bread.
You see, your deitiness, helping us last time didn't get us as far along as I had hoped. Those Repubs are some trickster-type folks. Think Gollum meets Gordon Gekko and you get an idea. While we did get more Dems in last time, it wasn't enough. The threat of a Republican filibuster was a mighty weapon indeed. One they used quite effectively to stop any real reform while Cheney was in the big chair in that one oval office.
Not much has changed, your Supreme Being, sir. While jobs are shipped overseas and wages stagnate and unemployment rates rise, we are called a "nation of whiners" and "unpatriotic" because we seek change.
I know. I know. What could bring more change than old maverick himself, John McCain. Well, perhaps that might have been true when he was a maverick, fighting his own party for the greater good. But he's changed, J.C. You'd hardly recognize him. And even you must have been shaking your head in bewilderment when you saw his pick for V.P. (I hope you've had some laughs watching Tina Fey's portrayal of Palin on SNL. It's a tickle for sure.) But I digress...
It's time for a filibuster-proof majority for the Dems, your holiness. Please do what you can to see we get it.
Love,
Christie
2 comments:
Christie thought you might get a kick out of this and feel free to repost if you want. I would have emailed it to you verses putting it in the comments section but had no idea where to email it to. Maybe you have already seen this. I got it from a bulletin that a friend of mine posted on myspace. I thought it was hilarious. And as as you say who the hell will be able to sleep tonight or shit even tomorrow. My head is spinning. Here is to Obama. Let us hope that people finally get it and realize he is the change we need.
Dear Red States:
If you manage to steal this election too, we've decided we're
leaving.
We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the
other Blue States with us.
In case you aren't aware, that includes
California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin,
Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast.
We believe this split will
be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly:
You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get the Statue of Liberty.
You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft.
You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard.
You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states
pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian
Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families.
You get a bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals.
They have
kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their
children's caskets coming home.
We do wish you success in Iraq , and
hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of
the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce,
92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines, 90%
of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and
soybeans (thanks Iowa!), most of the U.S.
low-sulfur coal, all living
redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with
88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs),
92% of all U.S.
mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the
hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all
televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're
discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that
evolution is only a theory, 53% believe that Saddam was involved in
9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.
Finally, we're taking the good pot, too.
You can have that dirt weed
they grow in Mexico
Peace out,
Blue States
Anne,
Here's my email: christie.m.glynn@gmail.com. I have read something similar before. Thanks for sharing.
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