You can't make this shit up

When did pant suits go out of style?

Mini Cheeseburger Salad

It's food.

Brought to you by Seriously? with Christie & Darren

Dancing, a non-violent approach to rehabilitation

A tribute to Michael Jackson, brought to you by Miss Amels

My sister-in-law, Megan, posted this tribute to M.J. on their blog yesterday. It is by far the best tribute I've seen. Michael's music will continue to inspire new generations to dance. Go, Amels, go!

Amelias tribue to Michael Jackson from Megan Glynn on Vimeo.

Also, is it just me or do these kids display similar dancing techniques.

Lord of the dance from Christie Glynn on Vimeo.

101 Things You Should Do Before Your Kids Leave Home

I was thumbing through this book the other day and am happy to report that I am off to a good start. So far we have completed the following:

#8 Make your kids all home-movie stars (see here, here, and here)
#19 Go to a museum - let the kids choose which one (OMSI and Portland Children's Museum)
#23 Invite a dog, car, Guinea pig or bird to share your domicile (two cats, one dog)
#28 Make every family affair a photo op (have you seen our Flickr account?)
#32 Hugs your kids until they let go (too easy)
#46 Start a pillow fight (wee Henry was vastly outpillowed)
#57 Read a classic novel aloud (Charlotte's Web)
#64 Pile up the pillows, dim the lights, and watch a movie (Finding Nemo, didn't make it all the way through but thoroughly enjoyed it nonetheless)
#68 Walk in the rain with one umbrella (he was in the sling but I'm counting it)
#69 Embrace a poem together (Haiku Baby)
#76 Make personal triumphs a family affair (see here)
#86 Get creative in the kitchen (J-E-L-L-O!)
#95 Mold footprints and handprints (close enough)
#97 Pitch a tent indoors (he tripped over the poles but had a good time running into it and sliding down)

Kid tested, cat approved

Yep, we got the bedding I wanted from Kukunest. It looks fantastic. I'll be sure to post pics of the finished room once we're done. For now, Henry is happy with it. (A little too happy, really. During an expression of said happiness that was manifested in a little jumping on the bed, he fell forward a tad too vigorously and hit his noggin' on the bed frame. Ouch.) Oh, and Mabel the cat likes it, too.

One more year to the diamond band

Just four years ago, Internet, Darr and I were walking down the aisle after tying the knot. Ah, those were the salad days. Since the fourth anniversary is traditionally celebrated with fruit and flowers, I'm baking Darren a raspberry tart with berries Henry and I picked this morning while visiting The Pumpkin Patch with Megan and Miss Avery. Okay, I picked the berries while Henry ate the occasional berry, ran down the row, played in the hay with Miss Avery, and scouted for bees.

Does thinking about your wedding bring a smile to your face because I find all of those memories lovely. Our wedding was super small and sort of haphazard in its construction. The morning of the big day, my friends and I hit the grocery store to grab some flowers for bouquets for me and my maid of honor. (I believe I spent around $74 on these beautiful, bright Gerbera daisies.) When Darr showed up at the church and was asked by the woman assisting if we were going to have music, he was in the process of saying no when another friend showed up at the church with a small radio and one quickly burned cd of music meant to accompany the event. (I walked in to Pachelbel's Canon and we walked out to The Beatles.) I understand why wedding coordinators are so handy to have around, they think of all that stuff well in advance of the actual wedding day. Next to having Henry, getting married to Darren is the best thing to have happened in my life (and that's about as close to Hallmark sweet as I get). Happy anniversary, Darr.

A Bed Story

When we got home from our outings yesterday there was a HUGE box by the front door. My mum and pops said it was my new bed and I was all like "wha' dat?" because my parents have a bed but I have a crib and I like it that way just fine. But I got a little excited when my pops started putting the bed together. It's little like me. And orange. Mom says I am not orange because I am not an Ooompa Loompa. I decided to help so I grabbed a screw and got down to business.What you may not know is that playing with balls is an essential part of the assembling-the-toddler-bed process. Balls can go under the bed frame.And over, if you feel so inclined.It didn't take long before my new bed was ready for a trial run. And, as luck would have it, I had just finished my bath and was ready to jump in. My bed is a lot like my crib but the coolest feature is also the scariest feature. I can leave it whenever I want.
After a rough start to using the bed - last night I got up many, many times - I gave my mom a break and let her transfer me from the car to the new bed without waking up so I could take my first nap in my new bed. New beds are pretty cool. They can fit you and all your old friends, just like a crib.

Big bed test drive

Henry's toddler bed arrived today. We're about 24 minutes into the nighttime process. Henry has already escaped and run out to say howdy to his parents a number of times. (And that number would be approaching countless.) He's a bit distraught, which we read is normal, but currently is playing with his stuffed animals on ... oh, there he is again. And now Darr is returning him to his room. We read the transition can be a bit rough. Most suggest trying it for a few days and if it continues to be a huge struggle, bring the crib back. I'm not sure we'll last a few days. That crib might have to make an appearance tonight if we hope to get any sleep.

Update: 10:32 P.M. Monsieur Henry appears rather fond of bolting out of his room to join us in our bed. Darr's exhausted and I've suggested we put back the crib to make it all go away.

Update: 11:04 P.M. Baby gate. Why didn't we think of this sooner? Henry vigorously protested the gate initially but now all is quiet from that corner of the condo. A tiptoe journey has discovered he is, in fact, sleeping on his bed. (And not curled in front of the baby gate as I had envisioned.) We also learned that if you quietly back out of a room, the likelihood that you will knock over the disassembled crib is quite high. Surprisingly, the resulting crash did not wake the baby.

Timing is everything

I kid you not. Not a nanosecond after I was thinking how angelic Henry looked while sleeping, he farted.

Summer cleaning

Available: Toddler for suds work, mom for Bar Mitzvahs and karaoke night from Christie Glynn on Vimeo.

Where he lays his head

Happy's Daddy's Day!

Celebrating dad at the condo since 2007

Month Twenty

Dear Henry,

You're twenty months old today, bean. The last few days have been rough, I'm not going to lie to you. As such, I'm finding it a bit of a challenge to gather my thoughts and write about all of the wonderful things you have accomplished in the past thirty days. So I'll start with the big thing that's coming. We are in the midst of preparing your baby room to transition to a toddler room. This includes buying a toddler bed. I can't imagine how bedtime is going to go once you no longer have bars to keep you in place. You have been resisting going to sleep for the past week or so. The ugly kind of resistance that has tears and a screaming baby involved. On the one hand, I know you don't feel well because you caught the dang cold I brought into the house. On the other hand, I also know you feel a heck of a lot better when you get your sleep so, despite your best efforts, you are still taking your daily naps and going to sleep every night, eventually. The new bedtime technique that seems to be semi-working is that you are reading yourself to sleep. And by reading, of course, I mean perusing the board books we slip into the crib. I can already picture how in a few years' time you'll be huddled under the blanket with a flashlight reading Harry Potter after we've called lights out. Although, given how much your pops and I enjoy those books, we just might crawl into your reading cave with you and read into the early morning hours.
You can walk up stairs without holding onto the railing, although you still prefer a good railing and will use it when one is present. Going down is a bit trickier. Your pops mentioned you aren't yet good at judging how far the next step is, so your modus operandi is to basically cast your foot over the side and lean forward with enough of your baby body weight behind the movement to propel you to the next step. When this is done correctly, you successfully hit the next step and continue on with your descent. When it isn't...well...that doesn't end well for you. This also means that curbs are no longer a guaranteed obstacle that keeps you from dashing into the street. We, as parents, are learning to be ever more vigilant as a result of this development. One close call came when we were visiting Tanner Springs Park after dropping pops off at work one morning. You were running along the iron art wall toward the Portland Streetcar, which was coming our way. Streetcars are right up with buses, trucks, and balls as far as you are concerned. Only you didn't stop when I called to you and because I was in the process of packing everything up, you were able to slip even farther away. It should be noted for those about to turn me in to the authorities that you never actually made it off the sidewalk and were in no real danger. Plus the streetcar driver was totally aware of you and stopped about a block and a half away until I had caught up with you.
We have taken two trips up to Seattle - one for pleasure and one for a doctor's visit. The first was most excellent. You got to ride up to the top of the Space Needle and stroll through the Public Market eating fresh donuts. It was while visiting the city that you realized there are bars all over the place from which you can hang. So, I spent much of our two day foray up north as your spotter while you tried to hone your hanging and swinging craft. Perhaps you are more ready than I think for a big boy bed. One thing you've started recently is climbing into beds - at home, at stores, and now in hotels, tucking your feet into the sheets and leaning back against the pillows. You haven't yet thrown your hands back behind your head and sighed heavily as you relax but that can't be far behind. As for the second trip. That went well. There isn't much we heard from the doctor we haven't before. We're going forward with some tests because, unfortunately, your last blood draw showed you were still missing some of your neutrophils. I'm starting to believe it is because you are superhuman and don't actually need them.
On the potty training front, you are very interested in learning more about the potty and you are quite the mimicker so this means you are already comfortable sitting on your potty. And you know part of the routine, at least for mom, includes having toilet paper so before you get on your potty, you make sure to grab a couple of t.p. squares for yourself. My favorite has to be when you are pretend-finished because you'll sit up slightly and wipe yourself, even though your clothes are on and there is a diaper in place. You crack me up, son. Oh, and have I mentioned that you laugh at the word penis? Because you do. That word has a surprisingly handy ability of distraction because if you are being a pill during a diaper change and moving around all squiggly-like, I can say penis and you'll laugh and be still just long enough for me to finish up the process.
You love lining things in rows and stacking things up. You also enjoy knocking things down. I chalk that up to you having a little bit of Captain Destructo in you. You take smaller balls, place them on whatever table is available, and then roll them giving 'em a gentle nudge with the back of your hand. It's as if you're saying, "Get along, little ball." Bigger balls are treated to a huge over-the-head precursor to the actual throw. What makes this more intense is the fact that you like to stand really, really close to the person that you are throwing to. I am certain you are going to be a champ at Dodgeball.
You are more vocal but a lot of your words sound the same so it ends up making it a touch more difficult to understand you. A lot of times our conversations end with something like, "Oh yeah, Henry? Good boy. Let's go see Daddy." This must be truly frustrating for you when you're trying to tell me you've trapped the cat in a cabinet in the kitchen or that you recently witnessed a crime and now fear the mob is trying to fit you with a pair of cement boots. You are very careful and usually give a great amount of consideration to each new thing you try. But you are also curious to see how things work, which explains why we can sit and play with Legos for long (well, long in toddler time anyway) periods of time. Put 'em together. Take 'em apart. Repeat.
You are the most amazing little bean on the planet.

Love,
Mom

igniting my shopping mojo

I have been woefully remiss in my shopping duties lately. My normal robust shopping verve has been replaced by a somewhat hesitant form of uninterested restraint. To right this wrong, I have started two projects around the house. The first, establishing an entryway. I have to be honest, before buying Domino: The Book on Decorating, it hadn't occurred to me that a. we really had an entryway (dude, it's just a door that lets you in and out) and 2. there was anything to do with said door. If you think that way too, you're wrong, my friends. As the book explains, there are great entryways, and you can build one, too. This project doesn't require that much in the way of expenditures. A few picture frames with a couple of prints from our wedding (nearly four years ago), and a tall glass vase to hold Beauty the wonder dog's Chuckit! and tennis balls are all I expect to spend money on. (Note: I did find a cool piece of flair but have to take some measurements to see if it'll fit. And, really, it's only $15 so it hardly counts.) The rest is comprised of recycled goods from our house, including a copper-topped side table we had hidden in our bedroom, a glass and copper candle lantern we used to have outside on the patio and a funky metal dish that will eventually serve as a holder for wallets and phones when Henry is no longer of the age to nab them solely because they are within reach. The second is - drum roll, please - updating Henry's room to fit his new toddler persona. That's right. In just a few short weeks, we'll be saying goodbye to Henry's cage, I mean, crib, and hello to the toddler bed. The bed and bedding have been ordered and now I'm in the midst of a rather tiring and extensive search for art. I highly recommend Etsy.com, which has an amazing array of children's art available at very reasonable prices. Of course there will be pictures but until I am done I can't actually share with you anything other than how the entryway currently looks. Please hold your comments, Internet, these were taken before I knew we had one.

Please note, the shelf by the door was purchased in 1994 at Fred Meyer. It was initially bought as a bedside table for my dorm room at Linfield. My mom and I had to construct it because it was one of those do-it-yourself-type tables. During its fifteen years of service it moved with me five times, living in a house I shared with Julie and Steven, the apartment Darr and I shared in Newberg, a basement room I rented out at Darr's best friend's mom's house while we were on a break, and my studio apartment in the Pearl before landing at the condo. If it had been any heavier than it was, I don't think it would have survived with us as long as it did. And now, I'll be donating it to Goodwill so it can continue to serve and function as the grand old side table it is. Or...I suppose we could unscrew it and pack it away to bring out when Henry gets ready to go to college.

One more reason I'm glad not to live in New Jersey

And now, in the You've Got to be F---ing Kidding Me category, you are abusing your child if you habitually use "profane, indecent or obscene language" while a child is in your custody. Really? Really? So what is the definition of habitual? Using a curse word in every sentence or seven times in a one-hour period? And who gets to decide what is profane, indecent or obscene? You? Me? The conservative Christian fundamentalist who lives on a commune in a small farming community one town over? I can't even figure out what the intent of this part of the statute is? Is it to clean up American lingo? Will it stand up to constitutional scrutiny? Is it the use of the curse words alone or the context in which the curse words are used? Would yelling "Ouch, that fucking hurt!" when I stub my toe get me in trouble? Right now, I'm thankful I don't live in New Jersey.

The Fine Art of French Fry Consumption

The Fine Art of French Fry Consumption from Christie Glynn on Vimeo.

Right left love hate whatever

If we have anybody reading our blog whose politics are, er, not exactly in alignment with our own, we encourage you to read The Obama Haters’ Silent Enablers by Frank Rich.

I know it's published by the NY Times, which doesn't get the respect from the far right that you'd expect of the most honored newspaper in the country.

But, you know, read it.

Impromptu Seattle journey

Wednesday evening we headed up to Seattle because a last minute cancellation at the hospital meant we could get in to see the doctor Henry has been referred to at Seattle Children's Hospital, which is where Grey's Anatomy hospital shots are filmed. (Not the whole show, of course, but shots of the buildings, etc.) Anyway, Thursday morning we met with Dr. Shimamura and she spoke with us about Henry's history, shared her thoughts on how to proceed, and examined Henry. Most of what she had to say we had already heard before because she spoke with Henry's doc at OHSU several months ago. She's the doctor that came up with two additional tests we're now having done. One, a genetic test for Shwachman-Diamond Syndrome - earlier, less invasive tests for this have been negative. The other, a test to look for defective telomerase production found in the disease dyskeratosis congenita. Whew. That's a mouthful. She also questioned whether or not Henry had been seen by an immunologist (he hasn't), which may be our next step if the current tests don't answer the "What's the cause of Henry's neutropenia?" question.

 

With Henry doing so well, it's been easy to pack concerns about his health away. But winter is coming and he'll be in daycare so we expect this cold season to be a dandy one. It'll be a challenge to keep from panicking every time his fever gets a bit too high or we have to rush him to the E.R. because the on-call pedatric hematologist oncologist wants to check him out because his fever is too high (for the uninitiated, the neutropenic kids have to call in when their fevers hit 100.4. Folks, that ain't all that high so we can pretty much count on there being many, many calls.) All this to say, that I highly recommend having a totally healthy kid if at all possible. 

Henry 600

Henry - 600 days old

Top Six Things You Don't Know About Henry

1. He says "bus" over and over again while traveling in the car downtown, and he says "guck" (for truck) with a very German-like guttural tongue.

2. He has almost outgrown his size six shoes that we bought for him a little over a month ago.

3. He prefers wearing his baseball cap to his sunglasses but he's pretty good about keeping both on when it is sunny outside.

4. He is starting to sign three word sentences - "more books, please" and "more food, please" are current favorites.

5. He mixes up his chin with his neck and vice versa.

6. He's smart enough to know to select a big book before bedtime because it means he can stay up that much longer while his parents read it to him.

When toddlers go berry picking

Future job prospect #812: Berry Picker from Christie Glynn on Vimeo.

Brunch, part deux

The theme:
Chocolate

The menu:
French onion tart
Bok choy quiche
Banana and chocolate chip pancakes
Fruit salad with champagne reduction
Chocolate chip scones
Pumpkin bread with chocolate chips
Chocolate fondue with fruit, marshmallows, and graham crackers
Fried potatoes
Pork platter with ham, bacon, and sausage
Banana cookies with chocolate chips

The hostess and host and Monsieur host:
The condo peoples

The participants:
These folks at Wagners Five
The Steenhuis-Bickel clan
The Gorsegner Trio plus one in the oven
The soon-to-be McMillerSFO crowd

The consensus:
A bit sweet so a word to the wise for others thinking of following suit - balance out all of that chocolate with many salty options. We missed our founding members, who are still enjoying life down in Mexico and were not able to attend.

Of course there were pictures...

Drat

Henry's neutrophil count is still low*. We're being referred to another pediatric hematologist oncologist who specializes in blood disorders at Seattle's Children's Hospital. There's still the very real possibility that his wonky numbers will never amount to anything other than being wonky numbers, but even our doctor seemed a bit bummed.

Update: Henry, once again, was a super champ during the blood draw. The lady performing the needle work knows Henry but there was a new big dude in there and when he saw Henry take the needle without so much as a peep his response went something like "Whoa." (Think Keanu Reeves in The Matrix.)

*Normal range is 40%-60% of the white blood cell count. Henry's was 7% as of this afternoon.

Retail annoyance

I go to Pottery Barn last night to grab a picture frame and on my way out I spot a vase that just might work as a Chuckit! and ball holder by the front door. (I'm currently working on revamping our entryway.) So I take the vase up to the counter. I'm in a bit of a hurry as the mall closes in 25 minutes and I still want to hit Sephora to grab night cream because, yes, I am old enough to require restorative night cream. I had a baby and sleep deprivation, much in the same way the camera adds 10 pounds, has added 10 years to my weathered and wrinkled face. The lady is pleasant in a noncommittal manner that suggests she isn't really concerned about providing a great customer service experience. And that's okay with me because I don't have the time. She notices a teeny tiny chip and then heads off into the store to see if she can locate another vase that isn't damaged. Truth be told, I didn't even see the chip and I wasn't bothered by it but since she had already left the counter I figured I'd go with it. No luck, the shelf is empty. Time to call the folks in back to see if there are additional vases. No luck, all out of stock. The woman returns to the counter and offers up a 10% discount. Fine. I'll take it. I just want to buy the thing so I can get it home and see if it will work in the space, which is what I'm explaining to the saleslady when she gets on the horn to call for a manager. Now we have to wait for the manager to bring up the key to unlock the register so my saleslady can complete the transaction. I'd be tapping my foot to showcase my irritability if I hadn't been raised better. The manager finally arrives and while this feels like it has taken nearly half an hour, only a few minutes have actually elapsed. The chip is reviewed by the manager who offers up a bigger discount. Fine. I'll take it. I just want to buy the thing so I can get it home and see if it will work in the space, which is what I'm explaining to the manager when she tells me that a discounted item becomes a final sale. And a final sale item cannot be returned. At this point, I am a bit exasperated. So I leave without a vase that I can use by my front door to hold Beauty the wonder dog's Chuckit! and tennis balls. I am vase-less. The search continues...

Death by watching bad Canadian television

Me: Do you want me to kill myself?

Darr: Why would you do that. No, I don't want you to kill yourself.

<pause>

Darr: Want to watch some Corner Gas*?

*Corner Gas makes me want to kill myself.

Toddler speech

Language Acquisition, take two from Christie Glynn on Vimeo.