Orange Jellybean

 Hen, handing me an orange jellybean: Here.

Me: A jellybean?  What kind is it?

Hen: It's orange.

Me, taking a bite of said jellybean:  Ugh, no it isn't.  It's pumpkin.  Pumpkin jellybeans are mean, Henry.

Deep Thoughts by Hen Finn

 Henry: Aren't clothes just day pajamas?

Trapped under a pet

Me:  Hen, come help me in the kitchen. 

Henry:  I can't move, Mamoe's* on me.  

<pause>

Henry:  I can lend you emotional support.  Go, mom!

*Mamoe (a.k.a. Mabel McMableson) is the cat.

To be extraordinary (aka I have been schooled)

Me: Would you like a Kit Kat in your lunch?

Henry: Yeah. I was going to ask that.

Me: Oh yeah? Great minds think alike.

Henry: But great minds...um...great minds shouldn't think alike because they are great. They should think different.

The yelling house

Henry, yelling from bedroom: "MOM!"

Henry, yelling from bedroom again: "MOOOOOMMM!"

Papa, yelling from living room: "You can go to her if you need her, Henry."




Mom, sitting in master bedroom quietly drinking beer and catching up on emails.

Henryism #2, brought to you by papa

Presenting Dad and I a rock and acorn on a piece of wood:

Grandpa: is that food?
Henry: yep
Me: what eats rocks?
H: the ocean.

Wow.

Henryism, as recorded by papa

Talking about dory

Grandpa: do you like fish
Henry: yep
G: do you like fish that can talk?
H: nope. Unless they can do math.

Worries of a future president

Hen: If I become president, should I make guns illegal, except for hunting?

<pause>

Hen: As long as you're hunting animals that you are allowed to hunt.


I am biased as his mom but methinks Operation Make My Kid Awesome is going smoothly, and that he'd make a mighty fine president.

I read this book to Hen over breakfast this morning. (You can buy it here.)

Me: The tree takes in the Sun's energy, carbon dioxide, and water  and converts them into sugar for food.

<pause>

Me: Yeah, the tree eats sugar all day.

Hen, mumbling: Unfair.

A rose is a rose is a rose

Hen, takes a whiff as we cuddle: Mama, smell your armpits.

Me, after sniffing both pits: Smells good.

Hen: I know. It smells like flowers.

Me: It does smell like flowers.

Hen: What? Are you rubbing your armpits with flowers all day long?

Me: Yep.


Thanks, Dove deodorant. My pits do smell good.

I'm slipping with age

Hen: Why are there squiggly lines on the circle?

Me: What?

Hen: Squiggly lines. Why did you do that?

Me: I was tracing the picture. I'm not perfect.

<insert pause here while Hen thinks this over>

Hen: Well, you were when you were forty.

hahahahahahahahahahahaheeheehee

A little failure over roasted meat

Hen: What's pot roast?

Me: Hen, if you don't know what pot roast is, I'm failing you as a parent.

<insert pause here>

Hen: Well, you aren't failing me too much. Because you can't teach me everything all at once.



Good point, kid.

Things that scare kids #2765 and #2766

Roza: We watched that [The Prince of Egypt] over Passover. It has the death of the first born. My dad was so scared that he left and I had to leave also.

Hen: Weeping Angels from Doctor Who. When you blink they come, like, closer to you.

Sounds from the bedroom

Mia: Henry? True or false. I want to see my parents right now.

Hen: True.

Mia: Yeah.

…

Mia: Henry? Are you reading?

Hen: No.

Mia: It sounds like you're reading.

…

Hen: Let's go to sleep really quick so it can be morning.

Mia: I wake up at, like, one.

Hen: No. You don't wake up at one.

Mia: I do.

Hen: I bet you do not.

…

Mia: Do you think your parents can hear us?

Hen: Maybe. Let's get to sleep.

Mia: Does it scare you when nobody is talking?

Hen: No.

…

Hen: The faster we get to sleep, the more dream time we have.

Mia: And play time.

…

Mia: So, if I have a nightmare I can wake you up?

Hen: Or try to go back to sleep.

<insert pause here>

Mia: I'll probably wake you up.

…

Mia: Henry! I can't fall asleep.

Hen: I'm trying.

Mia: How do you try?

…

Mia: Guess what I just dreamed about?

Hen: What?

Mia: That Ramona Quimby play.

Hen: How did you dream that fast?

…

Mia: Henry, you can talk to me whenever you want.

Hen: [no answer]

Breaking the law

Hen: Once there was a sign in art class that said, "No skateboarding on the tables." <holds up skateboard artwork> So I made a skateboard and put it on the table.

Me: Hang on. I gotta blog that.

Amazing!

Tonight when Henry and I were taking a walk around the park, he had a flashlight so I showed him how to blow into the light so he could see his breath. And he had this gem:

I'm gonna amaze little kids when I grow up.

I'm sure you are, son.  I'm sure you are.

Who's your mama?

Hen: Why does your shirt say, "Ohbah-ma"?

Me: It's Obama. You know who that is, right?

Hen: My mama?

Me: No. No, Hen. Obama is not your mama.

<insert snickers, chortles, and childish guffaws here>

Spelling and the Brits

Hen: How do you spell "caw"?

Me: Like the <insert bird caw sound here> kind of caw?

Hen: No. Like "caw"?

Me: Use it in a sentence.

Hen, pausing for a millisecond before breathing deeply and saying in a British accent: RONALD WEASLEY, HOW DARE YOU STEAL THAT CAH.

Followed by uproarious laughter from the both of us.


Silly Brits.

The world according to...

Me: What's the difference between dementors and zombies?
Henry: Dementors are from the magical world, and zombies are from the real world.

good to know.  also, gulp.

You're going to do what now?

Hen: I'm going to make a shirt that says, "I heart beer."

Me: What? Why are you going to do that?

Hen: For papa.

Sometimes Hen says things just out of the blue like this and it reminds me his brain is always working on one plan or another.