Stealing Beer

While my husband's on the phone talking to coworkers in San Jose, I'm in the kitchen stealing his beer.

Caché

I'm not sure if it was the beer I drank beforehand, the tiring task of reading subtitles, or the movie having a high level of suckitude but I fell asleep during this film -- twice.

The Banner We Should Have Had...

from the beginning. I have to enlist the aid of my husband as I don't know how to get rid of the template banner and add the new one.
Woohoo it worked! This banner was made possible by Jan Sonnenmair, the world's greatest photographer. (Click here and here to see her work - she's got a third site but I can't remember the address.) The two beheaded, semi-blurry people parts in the background are Darr and I. (In her shot our heads weren't missing - I had to chop out quite a bit of the pic to get it to a more appropriate banner size.) The cat, of course, is Mabel. That's an expression we tend to see from her a lot.

Cat Pic Found

I came across this pic when downloading the latest from the digital camera. This is Mabel McMabelson in the window of our bedroom.

If We Were Simpsons

Simpson-me and my donut.

Simpson-Darr and his beer.

Click here and create your Simpson self.

Brunch with the Girls

While Darren went to class to take a calc test, I met the girls (i.e., Tan, Sara and Ann) for brunch at a place in the Pearl called Daily Cafe. The place sort of runs like a cafeteria - you place your order and pay at the main counter but the food is delivered to the table. The menu is written in chalk on a large blackboard, there are bundles of tables scattered around the eating area, and you get to park your butt in cool, modern plastic chairs that are surprisingly comfortable.

Even though there was a good sized crowd this morning, the place remained relatively quiet so we were able to carry on a conversation without shouting at each other. The bonus is that the cafe is right across the street from Title Nine so we were able to shop once our bellies were full.

I tend to order the same thing for brunch - scrambled eggs, fried potatoes, bacon, toast, and orange juice. On a rare occasion I'll get an omelette or maybe a waffle or pancakes. Today I went crazy and ordered McCann's Slow-Cooked Irish Oatmeal with brown sugar, a side of bacon and a glass of freshly squeezed apple-raspberry juice. Growing up I wouldn't touch oatmeal, let alone eat it. Who wants to eat mushy gray oats drowned in milk? Yuck! Then one day Darr introduced me to steel-cut oats. There's a whole other oatmeal world out there, my friends. These are not mushy or gray, although I do drown them in milk, they taste fantastic and are totally satisfying to have for breakfast.

Contest Loser (a.k.a. the honorable mention)

The caption contest at Kermit the Blog for the above photo ended today. The winning caption is as follows:

"Mr. President can you please point to the place on the doll where the Vice President shot you?"

Given the recent gun troubles of our V.P., the caption is pretty fucking funny and worthy of the top prize (i.e., a $15 iTunes gift certificate). While I am saddened that I did not win, I am happy to report I did receive a nod from Dave. Here's what he had to say along with my entry in case you didn't get a chance to read it...

"A special mention must be made to Christie's epic entry. She bags the one-liner for an Onion-style parody news piece that I appreciated very much. I've reposted it below for all to enjoy. Well done, Christie."

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President Bush Introduces Flat Osama to Iraqi Schoolchildren

In an effort to promote democratic ideals to the most receptive members of Iraqi society, President Bush unveiled his new program, The Official Flat Osama Project, in a press conference given at the Oval Office earlier this morning. “It’s part of my new strategery,” said the President holding Flat Osama, dressed in traditional Western civilization garb, by his side. “Because the children of that nation, well, uh, they will like him. Flat Osama. Hehe. Who doesn’t like that, right Condi?”

Flat Osama, differing from his famed brother Flat Stanley, from The Official Flat Stanley Project, was squashed flat by a school building wall that collapsed after bombs where deployed when a report mistakenly targeted Flat Osama’s elementary school as a terrorist hideout.

Iraqi students, who will be able to return to school once their war-torn region gets a reliable power source, the schools are rebuilt, and yahoos running through the streets firing at anything that moves are captured, will make Flat Osamas and start journalizing. Then Flat Osamas and journals will be sent to schoolchildren across America where students treat each Flat Osama as a guest, introducing him to all of the delights Western culture can offer a young, flat man. Upon completing the journal, Flat Osama and the journal will be returned to the original sender care of the United States Army. Students can plot Flat Osama’s travels on maps and share the contents of the journal. Vice President Dick Cheney shared his own experiences with Flat Stanley, “My grandson sent me a Flat Stanley last hunting season. Unfortunately, I accidentally shot the little bugger.” He quickly added he felt introducing Flat Osama was a way to win over the hearts and minds of the Iraqi people.

“I see this as a way to focus attention elsewhere, away from recent scandals that have besieged the White House and driven down the President’s approval ratings,” said long-time political strategist and Bush family friend Karl Rove, currently the subject of an investigation into who revealed the identity of a CIA employee whose husband was critical of the Bush Administration’s justification for going to war in Iraq.

In a trial run of The Official Flat Osama Project, Flat Osama, sent to ten year old Jason Smith of Las Vegas, Nevada, by Amaar Ali Salman, was photographed visiting local casinos, trading porn cards collected by card snappers on the Vegas sidewalks, watching barely clad females at various hotel pools in the area, and smoking cigarette butts found on the street, seemed to enjoy living it up in the city that claims to keep everything secret.

PF Chang's China Bistro

I have food fear so going to new places for food, particularly restaurants with foreign sauces, can be a bit traumatic for me. That being said, sometimes you have to suck it up and forge ahead, food fear or no. Here's what I ate at the P.F. Chang's in Portland's Pearl District:

Chang's Chicken in Soothing Lettuce Wraps
Quickly cooked spiced chicken served with cool lettuce cups.

Hot and Sour Soup
Chicken, bean curd, bamboo shoots and wood ear mushrooms, sparked with hot white pepper and vinegar.

Garlic Snap Peas
Stir-fried with garlic.

Kung Pao Chicken
Quick-fired with peanuts, chili peppers and scallions.

Mongolian Beef
Quickly cooked steak with scallions and garlic.

Chow Mein Shrimp
Egg noodles stir-fried with shrimp.

Book Ratings

Having recently finished reading another two books, Say When by Elizabeth Berg and Olivia Joules and the Overactive Imagination by Helen Fielding, it occurred to me that it might be beneficial to establish a ratings/rankings system.

I found the following algorithmic ranking system out in the blogosphere:

R' = R + K * (S - E)

R' is the new rating
R is the old rating
K is a maximum value for increase or decrease of rating
S is the score for a game (text)
E is the expected score for a game (text)

I won’t be using that here because it is currently used for ranking chess champions and has little to do with the subjective ratings/ranking of texts that I read. Instead I’ve created my own ratings system based on my book proclivities and it goes as follows:

1 = An outstanding text worthy of a spot on my top ten all-time favorites list, along with such titles as The Heart of Darkness, The Life of Pi, or any of the Harry Potter books.

2 = A phenomenal text that is thought-provoking, interesting, and falls just outside of the top-ten list. Books in this realm include Blindness, The Sex Lives of Cannibals, Empire Falls, and The Kite Runner.

3 = An entertaining text, that usually reads quickly and requires slightly less contemplation and dictionary consultations, of the likes of The Time Traveler’s Wife and Open House.

4 = Any text purchased at airport travel shops that I can finish by the time my trip is over even though I’ve only opened up the book while on the plane. Books of this nature include formulaic pulp fiction by John Grisham, Dean R. Koontz, Danielle Steele, and Jackie Collins. (To be fair, I haven’t read Danielle Steele since the tenth grade.)

5 = A text that some claim is revolutionary in thought and scope but is determined, upon reading, to be a disappointing failure. All Dan Brown novels reside here, as does The Case for Christ.

6 = An utterly horrible text, hardly worthy of a ranking even if it is a bad one. The Left Behind series meets this criterion. Be forewarned, I might be tempted to share books in this category in order to meet for drinks after you’ve finished it to discuss the horribleness of the book.

Okay, now we’ve got our jumping off point. Using the above scale I give the following rankings to the two most recently finished books:

Say When earns a 4. This is a disappointing finish for an author I've enjoyed in the past. Her book Open House made me cry. This story, however, I never really bought. It may or may not have been a result of Berg trying to write from the male perspective, which can be done successfully but sadly in this case was not. The story was a bit tired, one that I've read before. The actions of the characters were anticipated with an accuracy I'd prefer to have when picking lotto numbers. Still, for all of its flaws I did race through it within a few days and it kept my interest enough to finish chapter after chapter rather than turn on the t.v.

Olivia Joules and the Overactive Imagination earns a 3. From the lady that brought the world Bridget Jones comes the newest U.K. lady to love - Olivia Joules. Funny, inventive, a tad over the top, this book has adventure from the first page. Olivia discovers what she believes to be a terrorist cell operating in Miami. When a large cruise liner is blown apart in front of her eyes, she can only remember the handsomely dark fellow from the party the night before. Her suspicions and lust lead her across the country as she follows her hunches to uncover plots she sometimes believe only exist in her head.

Note: I leave the possibility of revamping said ratings system should I later conclude this one is sorely lacking.

Samoas and Thin Mints and Trefoils, Oh My!

Consumer alert: The Girl Scouts are out in force, peddling their wares to an unsuspecting community incapable of saying “no”. With a network of stations set up at strategic locations throughout the city, these cunning and ruthless salespersons will stop at nothing. Incredibly cute, extremely polite, and impossible to ignore, these little humans eagerly await their prey, pouncing when adult humans are within firing range. I, myself, was hit twice on Sunday. Stopping at the Burlingame Fred Meyer to purchase some envelopes, the little devils were cute as buttons. One went so far as to say “Thank you for supporting the Girl Scouts of America.” Is that over the top or what?!

Of course, I made the mistake of thinking that since I had bought one box of their cookies, I was safe from their persuasive powers should we meet again. This notion was tested moments later when I stopped off at Zupan’s for some cocoa (for brownies, ‘cuz, you know, after you buy cookies you still need to bake brownies). I threw a cursory “In a second,” call over my shoulder as I swept past three of them, adorned in their Girl Scout gear, into the store. I was triumphant. This success lasted for the tiniest of moments, and then I was in line asking for cash back in order to purchase another box on my way out. I can only assume the girls have been coached in the ways of the Jedi and somehow mind-tricked me into buying another box. With a slight wave of their teensy hands, I imagine they must have said “These are the cookies you’re looking for,” whilst I traipsed past in all of my purported non-cookie-buying glory.

Best Blonde Joke

You've got to read this. It truly is the best blonde joke ever. Click here to view it and laugh your ass of.

Our Flat Friend Meets Dubya

In case you are having troubles deciphering who's who, Flat Stanley is the little paper dude the President is holding. There's a contest on Kermit the Blog to come up with the best caption. I encourage all to enter.

Our Coffee Table is Here!

Our coffee table arrived this afternoon. Darren and I lugged it up from the parking garage after returning from the park with Beauty the wonder dog. Ellie was quick to hop up and investigate the new piece of furniture but Mabel decided her time was better spent napping in the re-upholstered chair she uses as her personal scratching post. <grumble, grumble>

Here's what the folks at Herman Miller say about the Noguchi table: "His [Isamu Noguchi] table joins a curved, solid wood base with a freeform glass top. The ethereal result does not dimish the practical design; a sturdy and durable table. This balance of sculptural form and everyday function has made the Noguchi table an understated and beautiful element in homes and offices since its introduction in 1948."

The Award for First Blog Comment Goes To...

Megan!

As a person wary of commenting on other people's blogs, I was ecstatic to find someone had weighed in with a comment on one of my entries. Megan, my sister-in-law, took that leap of faith and posted her comment the other day. A comment, I must say, that is thought-provoking, insanely witty, and in all-around good taste.

Valentine's Day 2006

Our evening began after I got home from work and Darr left his office (i.e., our spare bedroom). We walked Beauty the wonder dog around the neighborhood, stopped by Piece of Cake to pick up the best chocolate cake on the planet (see pic at right), and headed home. Once the dog was settled, we hopped in Sophie and hit Wong's King for some Chinese takeout. After sitting in the drive-thru for approximately 20 minutes, to be fair they were super busy and we returned early to collect our food, we drove home and proceeded to eat and drink and be merry. Our romantic movie of choice turned out to be Bend It Like Beckham, a classic love story for all ages - Irish soccer coach meets Indian soccer player who shouldn't be playing as she's not supposed to wear shorts in public and she risks bringing shame on the family, etc. We watched the flick cuddling on the couch and retired early. :)

The World Abounds with Pregnant Ladies

The list of pregnant ladies I know grows...

1. Bianca - childhood friend
2. Sara - friend
3. Jyla - sister-in-law
4. Leah - husband’s cousin (Does this make her my cousin-in-law?)
5. Chantal - friend of a friend
6. Jill - co-worker
7. Tracy - wife of a co-worker
8. Melissa - sister-in-law’s friend
9. Erica (?) - friend of a friend
10. Tom’s wife - wife of a co-worker’s ex-fiance

The Time Traveler's Wife

The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger is a solid love story with a sci-fi twist. (Henry DeTamble, the main character, is a time traveler so this book requires a certain level of suspension of disbelief.) I highly recommend it, although you should get your arms in shape before picking this sucker up. It's a heavy book, weighing in at 536 bible-thin pages.

I also recently read David Sedaris's novel Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim. It follows a chronological order but is more about specific moments in time than offering one coherent storyline. The author is sarcastically funny, which translates to thorough enjoyment for the sarcastically funny inclined.

And finally, to keep an accurate accounting of the books read in 2006, I must include The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel. (I received it as a Christmas gift.) This book gives many great reasons to believe what you believe if you already believe what you believe.

I am staring at approximately seven books I have waiting to be read and I know of at least three others in a stack in my room that I haven't yet touched. I'm sure there will be more book blogs in the future. I'll try to get a list of the books Darren has read as well and post that information.

Ever Heard of Satire?

satire* n.
1. A literary work in which human vice or folly is attacked through irony, derision, or wit.
2. Irony, sarcasm, or caustic wit used to attack or expose folly, vice, or stupidity.
3. Witty language used to convey insults or scorn.

*Definition supplied by www.dictionary.com.

Here's one of the cartoons recently published by a Danish newspaper.
You can check out the other cartoons by clicking here.

Bulgarian Pots

Perhaps our most original gift for Christmas came from our friends, Petar and Svetla. These little Bulgarian pots are awesome! Our first meal using them was a mixture of veggies (red and yellow bell peppers, carrots, zucchini, potatoes, and leeks), leftover ham from Darr's dad, and spices (salt, pepper, and marjoram). The prep time took less than fifteen minutes and the baking time was about an hour. We allowed the bowls to cool slightly before sitting down to eat at the table. A nice Chardonnay from Clos du Val accompanied the meal. Should you ever visit Bulgaria, I highly recommend purchasing some of these delightful bowls for yourself.

Girls Only Weekend at the Beach

Darren returned from San Jose Friday evening but I didn't get a chance to see him as I took the day off, hit the salon for some much needed nail pampering, and headed west to the beach for a girls only weekend of gossiping, eating, and drinking.

Our host Anjy (or as she is known to those folks she met after high school, Angela) told us in advance of an expected weekend storm before we left town but that knowledge did not convince us to delay our journey. We arrived at the house, selected our bedrooms, dumped off our luggage, and traveled to the nearby town of Tillamook to complete our weekend grocery shopping at the local Fred Meyer.

This is our second trip to the beach house and it appears the moment we enter we become extremely lazy people. Yes, it can be argued that it would have been unwise to walk along the beach with 90+ miles an hour winds and 40 ft swells but still...sitting on your ass all weekend long is actually painful.

We baked up some DiGiorno pizzas (surprisingly tasty!) and had time to eat, drink, and read some of the girly mags with various sex tips before the winds hit, the house started to rattle, and the power went out. With the help of a fluorescent lamp and some candles we persevered. As we were settling into our individual beds (emphasis on "individual" lest there be any fantasies of slumber parties with pillow fights, girls in tank tops and panties, and all of us sleeping together in one big bed) the power came back on.

The rest of the weekend was more of the same. Eating, drinking, discussing everything under the sun, etc.. Saturday night we piled into Tiff's Suburban and went to Mazatlan for some tasty Mexican cuisine.

It was a most excellent trip. Should Anjy ever read this blog, I can't wait to return and I hope we can do it again soon. :) Before I sign off, the pics that I took of the weekend are up on the web site (link on the right) in the Photos section.

Beauty the wonder dog Goes to the Park

There was a break in the rain today so I took Beauty the wonder dog out to the nearby park to run around and play. We encountered some local wildlife and several other pooches, including a Great Dane named Truman (Good God, those dogs are gargantuan!).



Consumer alert: ToyShoppe Playables brightly colored tennis balls for dogs suck! They are a sad replacement for the Chuckit blue and orange tennis balls, which not only can be found in almost any landscape but hold up under the intense pressure of a dog's jaws. (Note: the following picture is of the ToyShoppe Playables tennis ball that could not hold up under intense pressure.)

PetSmart was out of the Chuckit balls around Christmas when we were looking to purchase some extra tennis balls for Beauty's stocking. I grabbed the ToyShoppe Playables tennis balls because their bright blue, neon green, shocking orange, and loud fuchsia colors seemed perfect for easy identification against the natural colors of the park landscape. Unfortunately, with a few chomps Beauty the wonder dog was able to chew through the ball as if it was a piece of filet mignon. Within a few throws, the ToyShoppe Playables tennis ball ends up looking like this:

Beauty has three more of these horrid tennis balls to destroy before we return to the Chuckit brand - the clear champion maker of tennis balls for dogs.