Costco Sheets

I'd like to take a minute to write about the wonders of Costco sheets. I had no real idea, even with the convenient 'touch the fabric' sample on the outside of the sheet packaging, what the sheets would feel like when I slid into bed. At 500 thread count (a solidly good number), I figured they had to be semi-comfortable, but the notion of comfort was purely conceptual. Mostly, it was the $59 price tag for a Queen-sized flat and fitted set with two pillowcases that made the sale.

This purchase was money well spent. These sheets are awesome! They are lightweight, smooth, and have a crisp quality that is reminiscent of sheets dried on a clothesline in the summer. If you're looking for sheets, check out the Kirkland brand the next time you visit the warehouse of choice.

New Icons Update

Back in March we hired the world's greatest artist, next to Darr's friend Rick, to create new icons for our web site. On Friday, Kevin sent us the next installment of sketches to review. I know it's sort of goofy to get so excited but I really think these are going to be the best frickin' icons ever! Soon they will be up on the newly designed site (I just bought iLife to help with site construction).

When I sent Darr the link to check out the sketches, his comment was "We're thin!" - which had us both snickering. The flippy hair Kevin gave me makes me smile. My only suggestion to Kevin is to (a) give Darr full beard stubble or (2) have him clean-shaven. In all the years I've known Darr, I've never seen him with a goatee and I am thankful for that.

This is the first sketch of Beauty the wonder dog. I can't wait to see what she'll look like once Kevin applies his creative coloring. Darr's comment on this sketch is that her snout is "a little wide" but other than that I think she's perfect!

And finally, Kevin redrew Mabel and Ellie to match their expressions more closely with our descriptions of their personalities, which we summed up as follows: For Ellie - "Ellie is generally cute and nice and full of goodness." For Mabel -

"Mabel is what we have semi-affectionately named "the evil one with the black heart". Mabel is known to scratch furniture, start fights with her sister, be pissy with her humans, and only lay on the charm when she wants something." See if you can determine which one is which.

Haiku Thursday

Sandpaper stubble,
in the shiny, new coffin,
upon grandpa's face.

An Inside Joke

Liar, Liar, pants on fire,
Hanging on a telephone wire ...
With nobody in them.

(Thanks to the folks at The NY Times for the above pic. Click here for the article.)

Last Saturday Morning

Last Saturday morning while Darr was at school I went out on the porch to read my book thinking it would be wonderfully comfortable and enjoyable because the sun was out and the sky was blue. Instead I froze my ass off even with three blankets (one flannel, one wool, and one synthetic) and two cats who periodically jumped on my lap and shared their body heat with me. Yeah, the sun might be out and the sky might be blue but if you're stuck in the shade on your porch, it's fucking cold. What came out of this event is the sketch you see that illustrates my morning of coldness. Thanks to German and the folks at Sketch-it.

Fighting Hunger By Gorging

This evening Darr and I attended Taste of the Nation at the Oregon Convention Center. Now we are at home, sort of feeling sick and lethargic and bloated and ugh. But! we had a fabulous time. Okay, so it is sort of strange that an event that deals with fighting hunger has a set up where those that get tickets can come and feast on a smorgasbord of food prepared by local restaurants while consuming a number of different beers and wines. Wouldn't it be more eye-opening to have us come and not eat so we can remember what it's like to be hungry? That premise makes for a more challenging sell to would-be participants but it seems more in line with the issue. Considering the cuisine sampled at this year's event, I'm glad the marketing folks didn't take the starvation route to try and drum up support. It's nice to know the following: (1) we're spending money on a good cause, (2) 100% of the proceeds go to the cause, and (3) the cost of the tickets is tax deductible (a plus since the bastards reinstituted an expired higher property tax for folks in Multnomah county to pay for schooling now that the ITAX fiasco is over). Here's a list of just a few of the items we were able to hork (see #22) down tonight -

1. Rhubarb Galette - Baker and Spice
2. Nido di Pasta (fresh pasta sheets with wild mushrooms and truffle cream) - Balvo
3. Pavlova (with passionfruit) - Bread and Ink Café
4. Bistecca Toscano - Fulio's Pastaria & Tuscan Steakhouse
5. Braised Imperial Stock Ranch Lamb - Hudson's Bar & Grill
6. Lobster Corndogs - Olea
7. Beer Floats - Pix Patisserie
8. Grilled Beef Tenderloin - Portland Steak & Chophouse
9. Viande-Spiedini Bianco (proscuitto wrapped mozzarella) - Viande Meats & Sausage

Don't even get me started on the libations. We were able (thanks wine guy who shall remain nameless!) to taste a wine that a certain winery had brought and kept under the table until the right peoples (i.e., Darr and I) came along. Sometimes a little ass kissing gives you access to a whole other wine world. :)

Kayaking - Yea!

Darr and I took our Swifty 9.5s to the river for a little kayaking earlier this evening. It was perfect. As we lugged the kayaks over to the park next door to drop them in the water and shove off, we came upon the most idyllic scene - people scattered over the park grounds, kids flying kites, dogs chasing balls, families picnicking. It was almost too picturesque. Oh, I almost forgot the grandpa strolling along holding his granddaughter's hand. I mean, Christ, it was a little over the top.

The water level is a little high right now but we were able to find a small patch of land on which we could stand and get into our kayaks before heading out. Four other folks were leaving when we shoved off. There was a lot of activity on the river - kayaks, sailboats, speedboats, jet skis. Geese and ducks were aplenty and we even spotted a beaver, who slapped his tail after we passed by to let us know we were trespassing on his turf. We headed north and rowed around the floating homes on the east side before heading back. It was sort of weird because we stayed close to the shore and where we did the majority of our rowing was where, a few weeks earlier, we had been walking the dog. Overall, it was a nice way to kick off our kayaking season.

Another depressed white guy

I finally finished Independence Day by Richard Ford. As I was reading it I kept thinking to myself: this is a really good book. And it was. But, I don't know, it took me over 6 months to read the dang thing. It was almost like a chore. 450 pages covering perhaps 4 days is a lot of minutiae. The thing is of course there is not much plot.

I'm still thinking about the book. I do recommend the read, wholeheartedly really. Perhaps a story about a middle-class white guy with regular problems is not escapist enough for me. I feel the same about Updike's Rabbit Angstrom series ... of which I'm stuck on the third book.

When and if I come to any conclusions I'll update.

What the Hell Happened?

Hello there. We went to our most favourite restaurant ever tonight and it sucked ass. I suppose that's an overstatement, but the whole evening was off. So off that we up and left just after the entrees were served. Didn't even take a bite. So disappointing.

Now all of these things are admittedly very small things. We're not judging against an evening at Applebee's (not that there's anything wrong with that). We've been to El Gaucho maybe 6 or 7 times and each time is the same. Each time is perfect. For this we drop maybe $400. We get a little picky. So sue us.

1. Didn't ask to take our coats upon arrival.
2. Stuck us in the corner
3. Showed up with tap water, didn't offer bottled. Said he'd be right back.
4. After 10 min our waiter-lady showed up. We asked for sparkling. (tip: if you're just the water guy, don't say you'll be back -- if the customer is left alone for 10 min they get upset at you.)
5. Drinks showed up after like 20 min. The 20 min delay is supposed to be after the drinks. Not before.

Now, at this point again we should stress that this is not a place where you want the service to be lickety-split. This is a place were we go to relax and spend a few hours (usually 4+) in a nice dark room filled with a bunch of strangers talking. It's fun. We drink. We nibble. We drink. We feast. We have some wine. We gorge ourselves. It's fun.

6. Christie's drink was short. My drink was weak. Such is life.
7. Bottled water showed up, but they left the old water glasses on the table.
8. Another short delay, a couple of visits from our waitress. She did quite good, actually.
9. Appetizers arrived. Cold. Not ice cold, but yeah, very cold. And the wicked shrimp, which we order every single time ... they neglected to toast the bread. Of course at this point we're alone and not interested in making a fuss....
10. We ask for our Captain (Todd), who normally works Saturday and is supposed to have a bottle picked out for us ... waitress says she'll get him; comes back in a few. Todd's bolted.
11. Replacement wine guy (Nasser (sp?)) arrives and is professional and courteous but ... just ... well ... he seemed annoyed with us. Recommends some mainstream Pinot (Domaine Drouhin) ... good but ... pedestrian.
12. Oh, Nasser asked how we liked our appetizers. We responded with a noncommittal sort of "ok, forgot to toast the bread." At this point it's obvious we're basically done but intead of apologizing he just offers more bread (well, OK, but why?)
13. The people next to us have ordered Bananas Foster (delicious, delicious, delicious). Christie and I have had this a number of times and it's great and people always seem to be ordering it -- apparently it's very popular. Well, to keep in the tradition of this disaster of an evening, the gas fumes from whatever source they use have Christie tearing up and me coughing. Jesus Mother of God what is going on?!!!

This has never happened before, and in all fairness this could have just been our location, stuck back in the little corner in a side room like we were, but still: noxious gas.

OK. Now at this point we are just sort of looking at each other going ... "uh?" I was fully expecting to hear "There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling transmission." (Outer Limits). Christie mentioned The Twilight Zone. Egads! But we're hanging in there. That's how good the steak is.

14. The steak arrives. And it's not cooked-to-order. We asked for black and blue, but it came rare. (Black and blue is rare on the inside, charred on the outside. Difficult if not impossible to do at home, because I just can't get the required heat.)
15. We mentioned this to Nasser, who's preparing to carve this admittedly beautiful piece of meat tableside. He doesn't reply to us, but thankfully he does turn and ask our server if we ordered it black and blue. She's like "sure did".
16. She moved in to take the steak but Nasser is just ready to carve. That man is not stopping. He's got the potatoes off and ready to go, but the waitress is persistent and manages after some negotiation to take it back to the grill and get some char on there.
17. Steak returns. Woohoo! Looks blacker but not excellent but we're ready to go nonetheless.

Let's digress a little bit to talk about this steak. The cut is called a Chateaubriand, which is basically a little roast cut from the tenderloin. It's carved tableside into six wonderful slices, and the staff mixes a special sauce from the juices of the meat right there using some butter, dry mustard, wine, etc. Very very tasty. Now, in the five other times we've ordered this, the staff asks how spicy we'd like the sauce prepared, whatever. Not tonight, we're full steam ahead. Of course Christie has a distrust of sauces in general and of mustard in particular and wants her steak unadorned.

18. She should have her steak unadorned. We call out to Nasser: "Sir, Sir, excuse me, Sir." (but what we're thinking is "what the hell is going on") We explain how Christie would like her steak prepared -- sans sauce -- and he says OK. And then slops on some mustard and pours wine over it. You can imagine our reactions: "wait, wait, uh, wait". We repeat our request, and the response is "it's just wine". (It's not, but that's beside the point, isn't it? We asked for her steak p-l-a-i-n.)
19. He carves from the "sauce free end" of the roast for Christie. Our "wait, wait, uh, wait" interrupted the pouring of the wine. Perhaps he considered it a valiant effort to rescue the cut, perhaps he thought we were retards, who knows. Of course Christie's is not sauce free, can't be.

At this point we are so exhausted we just sit back and shut up. Nasser finishes the carving (into 4 oddly-shaped chunks), lays out the rest of food and quietly departs. Our waitress tries a rescue with cheery banter but she is ignored.

20. We look at the plates, which look just wonderful. But we are not having a good time. So we head to the front counter to pay. They comp us, which they needn't have.

At this point our evening is dead on the table, doctor. Flatline. We considered other restaurants but finally just said fuck it and hit Piece of Cake.

Her Infinite Variety: Stories of Shakespeare and the Women He Loved

Her Infinite Variety: Stories of Shakespeare and the Women He Loved earns a 2.5. (I explained my book ratings in February.) The creative liberty alone helped push this book past the standard rating of 3. Here's a snippet that I particularly enjoyed in which Shakespeare is describing a story he is working on to a lady friend.

"My prince...He does not see death as you and I do. To him it is weighted equally with life. Only another place." ...
"An undiscovered country."
"Yes."
"To be or not to be, as if there is almost no difference," she said.
"Yes."

I love it. I love it showing a scenario with Shakespeare getting inspiration for one of his most famous lines EVER from a woman in a casual conversation they have one regular day. It's beautiful.

Who are the women in Shakespeare's life? They are both real people and imagined characters - his mother, his wife, his daughters, his mistress, the queen of the fairies from A Midsummer Night's Dream, Lady Macbeth, the list continues. It has been awhile since I last read Shakespeare (2-3 years?) so it was a challenge to immediately come up with the who, what, when, where, and why info that, well let's be honest, was never really readily available - I'm not a Shakespearean scholar, but the stories are well-known even to those who last read his plays in high school (for my friends this was quite some time ago, eh?) that I was able to piece together what was happening with the barest minimum of context.

At the very least, this is a cleverly constructed and engaging book outlining the life of one of the greatest writers ever.

Girl Power

I just read an article in The Economist, entitled A Guide to Womenomics, and the tagline reads as follows: The future of the world economy lies increasingly in female hands. Yea! Didn't I recently hype Hillary's run for the presidency? Didn't I? (Answer: Yes.) You should know that in all of my rantings to Darren about the patriarchal society in which we unfortunatly live I've made some of the very claims being confirmed by studies cited in this article. Of course, until my rantings were confirmed by folks at The Economist, they were held as little more than mere rantings by my oh-so-lovely husband.

Here are a few of the items I found most interesting. I encourage everyone to read the entire article, plus the complementary piece The Importance of Sex to achieve a full understanding of how completely incredible women are. So incredible we are worthy of happy diamond gifts. Sparkly diamonds in the form of jewelry we can wear around our necks, on our fingers, or attached to our perfectly formed earlobes. (That diamond bit was for Darr. Our anniversary is coming up.)

"Not only will educated women be more productive, but they will also bring up better educated and healthier children. More women in government could also boost economic growth: studies show that women are more likely to spend money on improving health, education, infrastructure and poverty and less likely to waste it on tanks and bombs." (Uh, yeah!)

"In rich countries, girls now do better at school than boys, more women are getting university degrees than men are and females are filling most new jobs. Arguably, women are now the most powerful engine of global growth." (Viva la women!)

"...most working women are still responsible for the bulk of chores in their homes. In developed economies, women produce just under 40% of official GDP. But if the worth of housework is added...then women probably produce slightly more than half of the total output." (Sociologists call the phenomenon of women that continue to perform the bulk of the household chores after working at a full-time job the Second Shift.)

"Studies have also suggested that women are often better than men at building teams and communicating." (No surprise there.)

"To make full use of their national pools of female talent, governments need to remove obstacles that make it hard for women to combine work with having children. This may mean offering parental leave and child care, allowing more flexible working hours, and reforming tax and social-security systems that create disincentives for women to work."

And perhaps my favorite...

"However, if women are to get out and power the global economy, it is surely only fair that men should at last do more of the housework." (No dishwashing -- dare to dream, ladies, dare to dream.)

The Countdown Begins

144. This is how many days there are until our European vacation. Here's what we know so far - we leave on September 11 (I know, it's an unfortunate date but read my earlier blogs about trying to redeem Darr's airline miles and you'll understand why the date wasn't even considered an issue when it came to booking the trip). We fly from Portland to Seattle, Seattle to London, and London to Prague. It's an exhausting transatlantic haul but one we hope will be more comfortable as I was able to secure us first-class passage (woohoo!). We've decided to spend 4 nights and 5 days in Prague (we're staying at Hotel Adalbert) but the rest is still up in the air, except for arriving in Milan to catch our flight back on September 24. I also expect we'll hit the outlet mall outside Milan before we leave because, let's face it, Prada at outlet mall prices is almost affordable. Not that I am the type to actually wear Prada, I'm not. But to own a cool pair of Prada shoes bought in Italy as a souvenir of our trip - that'd be cool.

A Few Drinks and I'm Chatty

It's true. Just ask anyone who has ever had a drink with me. Get a little liquor in me and I'm talking up a storm. Or typing, as is the case right now. (At last count I've had three beers and an Irish Car Bomb - 1/2 pint Guiness, 1 oz. Jamison, and 1/2 oz Bailey's Irish Cream.) Thankfully, the husband cooked hamburgers (my fifth burger consumed to date) for dinner so the last beer isn't affecting me as much as it might have if I had kept consuming the alcohol on an empty stomach.

What's new at la maison de Gilroy? Not much. Darr's started another term at school. We're both working. The cats are fine. The dog is fine. We're watching a rerun of The Office right now. It's the one where they place Dwight's desk in the men's bathroom. Classic t.v. goodness.

So, I've sort of been thinking about this one conversation I had with my friend awhile ago about holiday bonuses. I'll do my best to recap it here but since I have been drinking I'm hoping some slack will be extended my way in the event I get it wrong.

The basic premise, as I understand it, is that it is hypocritical to accept a Christmas bonus if you are of a different religion. I know that isn't a great description so I'll provide you with an example. It is as follows:
1. Company A decides to distribute Christmas bonuses to the employees.
2. Employee D is a Jehovah's Witness.
3. Company A wraps all bonuses, except Employee D's bonus, before distribution.
4. Employee D is able to accept the bonus because it is not wrapped in Christmas paper.

Now, the way the argument was laid out during our discussion, not wrapping the bonus for Employee D does not make it any less of a Christmas bonus. Therefore, Employee D is being hypocritical when he/she accepts the bonus. If the company is distributing a Christmas bonus, it is because it is Christmas and it should be considered a gift. If it is against the employee's religion to accept gifts for any reason, this should exclude them from receiving the Christmas bonus, which is a gift.

I suppose one of the reasons I oppose this viewpoint is because I don't want to be considered hypocritical for accepting a Christmas bonus. I'm not a Jehovah's Witness, I'm an atheist. But if/when any company I work for offers a holiday bonus, and my work throughout the year has on any level contributed with the overall success of the company, I feel I am entitled to said bonus. If that means the company does or does not wrap the item to coincide with my personal beliefs then I guess I expect the company to act accordingly and be respectful of my beliefs. Althought that doesn't accurately portray my thoughts - I don't expect the company to know or care what my beliefs are but I do expect the company to at least try to treat all employees fairly. I can't imagine how I'd feel if the company only extended the bonus to the employees who held similar beliefs...

Christians over here, everyone else over there. Christians, here are your bonuses and everyone else, well, you don't get anything.

I'm not describing this as well as I would like. And I still have a ton of thoughts on the subject swirling around in my head. But for now, I'd sort of like to leave this conversation up for debate and see what others think about it. Please feel free to share your thoughts and if I sober up and can contribute a more coherent argument at a later date, I'll do so.

Yummy!

So, friends of ours got married a little bit over a year ago, and had this grand formal thing with family and friends flying in from all over the world (literally) and plenty of friends (yeah!) drinking (yeah!) and dancing (I still cringe at that memory, but you know, sometimes you have to be willing to make a fool out of yourself.) Anyway fun was had by all.

But I digress. At this grand formal ball they had the traditional wedding favor jordan almonds, which apparently many people don't particularly care for. But boy I sure do. I scored myself like 12 bags of the little bastards. No, that's not stealing. If it was I wouldn't be telling you all about it would I?

And again I digress! egads! Anyway, so I ate the last bag today. If anybody goes to a wedding snag me some more would you? I don't get invited any more ... too many people have seen me dance. sigh.

I'm listening to Crazy as a write this. It rocks.

Holy Crap That's Gory

I watched Hostel this evening and holy crap that's gory! I've seen some gory movies in my day but this one takes the cake. Here a gore, there a gore, everywhere a gore gore. If that's your thing, you'll love this flick.

Cartoon Corner

Sometimes your friends and/or coworkers send you cartoons that you have to place on your blog. I don't make the rules, I just follow them. Okay, I don't always follow them. There are rules on speeding that I don't usually comply with. But a 55mph speed limit on major freeways is ridiculous, even when you're driving through the Terwilliger curves, unless you happen to be driving one of those ginormous house-wannabe vehicles that would tip over if driven too aggressively on even the slightest corner. I digress - here's the first of many cartoons I hope to share with you folks. You should be able to access a slighter larger version by clicking on the cartoon. If not, you can view it here.
Note: At last check, those were valid phone numbers for the senator. Payback's a bitch, eh Mr. Napoli? <insert slightly evil giggle here>

Word of the Month

Last month I declared my mission to resurrect good words that aren't heard often. This month's word was inspired by the movie Notting Hill. The Brits might use this one all the time but over here it's not the part of normal everyday speech that it should be. Without further ado, I bring you April's word of the month: loo.

Here’s what the Oxford English Dictionary (OED) has to say:

---------------------

A privy, a lavatory. Also attrib. and Comb.

--------------------

The kind folks at the OED have even added this convenient and helpful timeline to illustrate when loo was in usage amongst the commoners.
Here are some loo samplings to enjoy at your leisure.

1943 C. Beaton in Horizon Jan. 37 They had dressed, teeth brushed, breakfasted, had visited the loo, and were on their precarious journey all in a question of fifteen minutes.
1944 Auden For Time Being (1945) 20 Between the bottle and the 'loo' A lost thing looks for a lost name.
1955 G. Freeman Liberty Man II. vi. 113 Johnnie, do take him to the loss, there's a good boy. 1957 P. Wildeblood Main Chance 57 The loo's on the landing, if you want to spend a penny.
1971 Petticoat 17 July 31/2 You can wait until he goes to the loo or, if he appears to have a bladder like an ox, send him to the kitchen for more coffee.

All you wanted to know about loo and more.

Candle Pic Found

I came across this pic when downloading the latest from the digital camera. These are wax drippings from a candle left unattended in the bathroom during the cat party.

The Memory of Running

The Memory of Running earns a 3. (I explained my book ratings in February.) It is easy to care about Smithy Ide, the protagonist of the novel, as he's an aging, overweight alcoholic with a disappearing demented sister and distraught parents. It's no wonder the poor chap jumps on his bike and heads out of town. I longed for the same escape. With deftly crafted minor characters and a storyline that shifts from past to present, McLarty writes the tale of a man on a quest to self. This nonlinear approach to storytelling is intriguing because it only allows for tidbits of information to be released during each chapter, the rest is left to conjecture. That being said, the novel flows well and covers a number of relevant issues - war, homosexuality, familial obligations, physical and mental well-being, temptation, and romantic love. My only criticism is that McLarty has his main character traveling from Rhode Island to California on his bike (most of the time) subsisting mainly on bananas, apples, and tuna sandwiches, of which he seems to eat infrequently. It's been my experience that when you're traveling 50+ miles a day by bike, you need two to three breaks during the ride itself to refuel, not to mention the meal eaten once you are done for the day to replenish what you've burned. But I'm not Lance Armstrong, maybe this is the preferred method of bicyclists?

100 Posts Mark Reached

Woohoo! It's our 100th post at Life at the condo! We've reached a milestone. Fame and fortune are within our grasp.

Wait, this isn't entirely true. We did mock blogging on our site before moving to Blogger, but we aren't really tracking those. Unless you think we should be, in which case you should totally disregard this post. Or consider us crazy for creating it.

Oh well, I'm off to make scrambled eggs with ham and cheese and a side of fried potatoes. Easter leftovers are awesome. (We had our formal dinner last night.)

Busted Tees

So many good tee-shirts, so few tee-shirt wearing days. But since summer is on the way and we Oregonians will likely see rain-free days, it's time to start shopping for humorous tees.

Bye ITAX

If you don't live in Mulnomah County you might not know about the "temporary" personal tax voters approved in 2003 to keep classrooms functioning normally while lawmakers searched for a permanent funding solution. Politicians had three years - apparently that wasn't enough time. So now, as we prepare to write the last of the ITAX checks, we hear rumors that another "temporary" (i.e., four-year) tax is being bandied about. Ugh. At least other people unhappy with having to pay the tax found creative ways to express their displeasure - writing oodles of $1.00 checks, paying in pennies and the like.

Voodoo Doughnut

When Darr heard his coworkers in San Jose had doughnuts at the office he went and purchased this Froot Loops-topped creation from Voodoo Donuts (sold at the local New Season's Market).

Happy Easter

Um, yeah, I understand this one might actually land me in Hell.

Modern Cat Box

A recent e-mail from the folks at DWR (Design Within Reach) featured a link to a site with modern furniture for cats. Admittedly this cat box, called the Kattbank, is fantastic and looks great. It is everything a modern piece is supposed to be - functional, stylish, costly. But holy Christ, people buying this cat box -- prices ranging from $1,750-$2,220 -- must have a helluva lot more disposable income than we do. I figure when we win that $195 million dollar Powerball jackpot we might consider such a purchase. Until that time, we'll just have to be happy with our (approximately) $20 traditional cat box that is everything a traditional cat box is supposed to be - functional, ugly, cheap.

You gotta admire the thought that went into this creation, though. Check out just one of four of the features illustrated on the web site - this one highlights the grid that helps extract cat litter from your pet's paws. The captured litter particles are held in a removable tray that can be emptied at your convenience. Nice.

Words Women Use

My most fabulous friend Jessica sent me this and it's too good to keep to myself. Here's to helping the menfolk decode our women-speak.

"Fine."
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

"Five minutes."
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. "Five minutes" is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

"Nothing."
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".

"Go ahead."
Ths is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

<loud sigh>
This is not actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "nothing".

"That's okay."
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

"Whatever."
It's a woman's way of saying *!#@ you!

Baby Watch 2006 Update

Two more members of the Pregnant Ladies I Know (PLIK) club have given birth.

Jill (co-worker) had a baby boy named Samuel Benjamin. And Leah (Darr's cousin) had a baby boy named Parker.

The count is as follows:
Girls 0
Boys 3

Next baby to arrive is expected in June.

Cat Party 2006

The History:
A few years ago our friends started having kids and shortly after we received invites to parties for said kids. One day it occurred to us that we weren't having very many parties because we didn't have any kids. But we do have cats. And so the idea of the Cat Party was born. The first few Cat Parties were held in the early afternoon with brunch-type food and light drinking, usually in the form of mimosas. This year, we decided to host an evening event and as a result there was a higher consumption of alcoholic beverages. Yea!

The Menu:
Succotash Burritos - burritos filled with potatoes, red bell peppers, onion, yellow and green squash, Poblano peppers, Monterey Jack cheese, corn, and spices
Spring Lasagna - lasagna with potatoes, asparagus, proscuitto, and white cheddar cheese in a béchamel sauce
Skirt Steak with Chiles - that pretty much sums up this dish
Proscuitto Wrapped Asparagus - the name says it all
Classic Brownies - baked with 99% cacoa unsweetened chocolate from Scharffenberger
Goat Cheese Torte with Limoncello Cream & Berries - a surprisingly light dessert topped with raspberries and blackberries

The Music:
A few minutes before the guests were scheduled to arrive, Darr and I ran through our iTunes list and created a Cat Party mix including songs from some of the following artists:
Citizen Cope
KT Tunstall
Buena Vista Social Club
Dido
Goo Goo Dolls
R.L. Burnside
Jack Johnson
The Rolling Stones
Madonna
The Black Crowes
Al Green
Butthole Surfers
The Beatles

To those that came bearing cat gifts, Ellie & Mabel send their thanks. We look forward to seeing you all again next year, although we hope you'll be able to attend the first annual Dog Party (we can't not throw a party for Beauty the wonder dog!) this summer.

ADM: Mismatched Socks

Darr helps fold laundry sometimes and it's awesome because we tend to let the laundry pile into ginormous stacks before the whole cleaning process begins. If he didn't assist me I would be folding clothes forever. Seriously.

I'm experiencing an ADM (Appreciate Darren Moment). I just went to the closet and pulled out a pair of clean socks - my feet are freezing - and found this mismatched pair that I know he put together, which I have chosen to wear rather than locate the correct sock mates for (as my slight case of self-diagnosed OCD is screaming at me to do). In case you can't tell, the left sock has a light green color (directly to the left of the word) and the right sock has a pink color. Mismatched socks folded by your husband are cool.

Um...

My boss sent this to me. <sigh>

My Eviltude

How Evil Are You? Click here to take the test and find out.

Hike Pics Found

I came across these pics when downloading the latest from the digital camera. There's a pic of the trail and a trillium we came across on our hike last Friday at Tryon Creek State Park.
Note: It is illegal in Oregon (and some other states) to pick trilliums. A trillium may die or take years to recover if the flower is picked. We at Life at the condo recommend heeding this law. We're pretty sure you'd get beat up in prison if it got out you landed in jail because you were picking a flower. Sissy.

Nice Day for a Swim

On Sunday, Darr and I took Beauty the wonder dog out for her morning walk. Whenever our journeys take us down by the river Beaut is eager to find reasons to go into the water, but only as far as she is able to and still have her paws firmly planted on the ground. I had on occasion pointed out other swim-happy pups to Beaut but she only stood there glancing at whichever dog happened to be frolicking in the water before looking at Darr and I, then back at the dog, me and Darr, dog, and so on. This Sunday was different. I'm not sure if it was the presence of her park friends, Mouse and Shadow, or the addition of a third encouraging person, Mouse's human, but after a particularly bad throw, Beauty the wonder dog took a leap of faith and splished-splashed her way to retrieve the bobbing ball. It was hysterical. So of course we lobbed the ball out into the water immediately after she returned to shore. Throw, retrieve, repeat.

Today, Beauty the wonder dog and I trekked to the river after work for swimming lesson number two. Her initial takeoff is still a little clumsy with front paws going all over the place but she's great once she remembers how it all works underwater.

The Gospel-Conclusion

Yes, I finished the Gospel and I am a convert. I shall practice my Pirate-speak here, "Arrrgh!" Here's just one of the passages that brought me into the fold...

"FSM believers reject dogma. Which is not to say that we don't believe we're right. Obviously, we do. We simply reserve the right to change our beliefs based on new evidence or greater understanding of old evidence. Our rejection of dogma is so strong that we leave open the possibility that there is no Flying Spaghetti Monster at all."*

Find me another religion that allows for that kind of thought. You can't.

And so my life as a Pastafarian worshipping His Noodly Appendages begins. Per the good book, I will celebrate (1) every Friday - "the holiest of the Pastafarian holidays," (2) Pastover - "the time when the Flying Spaghetti Monster first began touching people with His Noodly Appendage," (3) Ramendan - where instead of fasting as in the Islamic period of Ramadan, I will "spend a few days eating only Ramen noodles and remembering ... [my] days as a starving college student," (4) Halloween - an important Pastafarian holiday that "honors the time when Pirates roamed the earth in freedom;"** and finally (5) International Talk Like a Pirate Day - which takes place every year on September 19, when all Pastafarians "are encouraged to seek out...grog on this holiday; candy is optional."

Things I didn't know that the prophet revealed to me:
1. Gravity might not be what we believe. Pastafarians believe we stay on earth because His Noodliness is pushing us down with His Noodly Appendages.

2. Consider this as further evidence of the FSM theory of gravity - Shorter people are touched by his Noodly Appendages more often than taller people. People now, in general, are taller than the peoples of the past because the Flying Spaghetti Monster has to touch more and more people. Basically, our touch time with the FSM has decreased as the population has increased, which has in turn allowed us to grow taller.

3. People would rather consume a bowl of spaghetti with tomato sauce and meatballs, than the equivalent caloric intake of the traditional communion wafers. (This was the conclusion from the chapter entitled, "Communion Test".)

4. The Pirate population has been dwindling since the 1800s. As the Pirate numbers have decreased, there has been an increase in global temperature. I've included a graph from the book to further illustrate this point.

5. His Noodliness has issued "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts" instead of commandments for believers to follow. There were ten but Mosey dropped two of them on his way down from the mountain. Those missing elements are partly responsible for the flimsy moral standards of Pastafarians.

6. Evolutionary evidence exists because the Spaghedeity put it there.

7. FSM Heaven features a beer volcano and strippers. The prophet advises there are probably male strippers for the ladies but states "they are invisible to the non-homo guys."

*Henderson, R. 2006. The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Villard, New York.
**Pirates are the Chosen People of the FSM.

Perhaps it is best I stop now and advise you to purchase your own copy of the Gospel so that you can reach enlightenment via the words of the prophet himself. To read more on the Flying Spaghetti Monster phenomenon, click here. To purchase the Gospel, click here or here.

I'm already envisioning a Pastafarian party where there will be beer (a.k.a. "grog") and pasta dishes o' plenty. Look for the invites in the mail, my friends. And break out that Pirate regalia. Please leave your parrots at the door. Eye patches welcome. Until then, RAmen, my friends.

The Gospel Has Landed-An Introduction

The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster has arrived! Thankfully I just finished the other book I was reading so I can give the Gospel the full attention it deserves. Originally I thought I would give a thorough explanation of each chapter as I finished them but I see now that two things would result from this type of examination - 1) I would be blogging all the time as the chapters are fairly small, and 2) this would give away a great deal of the text, thereby negating the need to read it for yourself. Instead, I'll try and record what I think of as I read the text, things that come to light as a result of diving into the Gospel. With that in mind, let me begin with this quote about the Gospel from the prophet himself, Bobby Henderson.

"This is a book that will stand up to any of the others--at least in terms of strict plausability if not literary finesse and retributive beheadings and disembowelments."

Oh, and for those that don't understand, here's some information on the word "theory" as there seems to be some misunderstanding. You see, how we (the general public) use the word is different than how the scientific community uses the word. Here's an explanation from Wikipedia: "In scientific terminology however, a theory is a model of the world (or some portion of it) from which falsifiable predictions can be generated and tested through controlled experiments, or be verified through empirical observation. In this scientific sense, "facts" exist only as parts of theories – they are things, or relationships between things, that theories must take for granted in order to make predictions, or that theories predict. In other words, for scientists "theory" and "fact" do not stand in opposition, but rather exist in a reciprocal relationship – for example, it is a "fact" that every apple ever dropped on earth (under normal, controlled conditions) has been observed to fall towards the center of the planet in a straight line, and the "theory" which explains these observations is the current theory of gravitation."

What do I hope you take from this little nugget of learning? Just this, that scientific theories are not mere guesses.

The Mermaid Chair

The Mermaid Chair earns a 3.25. (I explained my book ratings in February.) The novel deals with, once again, a marriage that is failing and quite frankly I'm growing bored with this theme. People are constantly giving in to their baser instincts and it is usually leads to predictable results. Of course, it's not everyday the newly discovered love interest is a monk so that is an unexpected spin on an otherwise old tale. And the real story starts only after someone (I'm not going to reveal who) lops off a finger and plants it in the ground. Kidd's characters are flawed, which makes them genuine but the appearance of one character speaking Gullah, a Creole blend of Elizabethan English and African languages, is out of place and makes little sense, other than to make a strange story even more strange. It is this nonsensical addition that knocks the rating from a solid 3.